Blades and Cigarettes

Chapter 01

I remembered it like it happened yesterday. The smell of the fresh breeze in the morning. The birds sing in the sky as they are passing by. The toothpaste taste in my mouth and my desire to jump off the bridge. I never noticed when it began to go wrong. The older I got, the more I started to think about death. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, it always got worse and worse, until I just gave up. Then there were you, some random guy I had never met before, I wouldn’t say that you saved me that day, but you made me feel alive again after feeling numb for so long. Sometimes I wonder if you had come one minute later would I have jumped? I think It was destined that we met that day.

There I was standing on the bridge, looking down about 16 feet at the ground. The streets are empty, no cars or people around. Great, no one will interrupt me. I close my eyes as my hair flies in the morning breeze. Strangely, today I feel so alive compared to the other days. I gently put a strain of hair behind my ear as I opened my eyes again. Today is the day, the day I will finally do it. Finally, killing myself. Today is a good day to do it, my parents are asleep, and so is Sana. Yesterday I especially cleaned my room, so my mother doesn’t have to do it. Nobody is there to stop me. Nobody cares. Why does everyone hate me…? Will they miss me? Probably not. I looked at the landscape in front of me as a tear rolled down my cheek. I’m so tired. I can’t deal with these feelings anymore. “That’s it” I whispered to myself as I slowly grabbed the railing and pushed my upper body up. Closing my eyes. I should probably land on my head that’s the best way possible. Unfortunately, my suicide attempt was interrupted by loud shouting from the other side of the bridge. Who’s making so much noise this early in the morning? I opened my eyes slowly as I looked at the direction the noises came from. My upper body was still pushed up on the railing. “HEY!” someone shouted so loud that it made me flinched so hard that I landed back at my feet on the bridge. Did someone find me already? How? At this hour? But it’s too early even for people who have a morning shift, the fuck! What should I do? I can’t tell them that I wanted to kill myself. I will never go to a psychiatrist! As I kept glancing in the direction where the noises became louder I finally saw someone running towards me. A boy was sprinting in my direction. He began to undress his huge green hoodie revealing a white t-shirt under it. Too stunned by the scene I couldn’t look away. What the fuck was going on? Who is that guy? As he got closer to me, he started to smile and spread out his massive arms. He didn’t look so muscular when he had the hoodie on. Boy was I mistaken. He’s now standing in front of me as he tossed his hoodie over the bridge, my gaze following the hoodie as it landed down on the ground. That should be me right now. My eyes turned fast back to him as I felt his arms wrapped around my waist. Fuck it’s a pervert, I’ve never where in a situation like this, should I bite him or kick him? But he looks pretty strong fuck. He pulled me in a tight hug and turned us both around so that he was facing the railing and not me anymore. I completely froze in his arms, I was never close to someone let alone a guy. Who is this guy? Is he a pervert? What normal guy just runs around and hugs random people? And why did he throw his hoodie over the railing tf? “Just play along, please” he whispered in my ear softly.