Bleeding III

Blushing with regret

when all the other kids laugh and joke around
she bites her lips, stares at the ground
to hide her tears and blushing face
to not be pointed and laughed at in disgrace
the thought of being called out nerve-wracking
pretentious laugh
to cover up, experience she’s lacking

ashamed she is still untouched
she never spread her thighs
never moaned or sighed
at the love of a youthful crush
she never experienced that small flirt
never touched him
unbuttoned his white shirt
wish she had that experience as well
or at least some college stories to tell
for her tightly guarded secret
there is no sacred or any reason
just never came around that season
leaves her blushing with regret

why is having no story filled with dirt
the reason for shame and hurt?
see the hidden pity in their eyes
at times, even a sense of being despised
why is there that stupid expectation
be touched to earn society’s salvation?

On my own

why do I feel the most at home?
when it is silent
when I’m alone?
I love meeting people
but that peace
after social pressure ceased
is when I feel unbelievably free
and the most like beautiful me
people don’t judge
and still
never as happy when
alone
at home
listening to my music
dancing through my room
and in that split second
I am an honest open book
wish I could have someone
who sees me in that moment
falls for that version of me
that version that only exists
when I am at home
and live
like I had the world to my own

You did not ask

you didn’t ask, just took the leap
and I, I had no words to speak
didn’t fight your eager drive
curiosity in me, it came alive
you must know, curiosity, it won
wanted to see how it was done
wanted to see how far I’d go
in love’s rush, I let it flow
but what if you had asked?
shown you cared
asked if I was willing to be there
would it have made a difference?
would it feel more insignificant?
you took the lead, I followed suit
nothing was wrong, but not absolute
now it’s done, and my heart, it aches
a tender pain, for both our sake