Breaking free

The golden sunbeams paint the meadow in a luxurious light. If I squint my eyes a little, I can see the little dust molecules which reflect the light, as they are tumbling down. The blanket underneath my bare feet is slightly rougher than the fabric of my pink dress. The chemtrails in the sky are slowly fading, and I find my thoughts wondering off, into the dramatic sunset of my memories.

Because I left you.

And I loved you.

And I did what was hard, but necessary. And yes, sometimes I still miss you, but what I have found is more important, and more valuable than what I had to leave behind.

Back then I hadn’t yet realised how unhappy I was. I never thought that one day I’d be happy like this, but now I am free. It was never in my nature to be pinned down by someone else. I missed the privilege of choice. But I broke free, it was hard, and dark, and lonely at times, and it still can be, but it was worth it. Not everything works out the way we want it to, and we can’t control other people’s choices or feelings. All we can do is hope, and act as good and kind as possible.

Abuse shows itself in the most unexpected scenarios. Sometimes, when you are in a neglective friendship or any kind of relationship, you don’t notice the scheming and manipulating until the weight is lifted off of your shoulders.

It ishard to see what the other side looks like when you are drowning. After some time, your memories, of before you were sucked into this mess, become blurry, and all you can see is darkness. Sometimes all you can feel is water. As it is floating out of you, as it is rushing into you. As your lounges fill more and more with it, until you can’t breathe at all. But sometimes all it takes is one sunbeam, to follow the light, just one chance at a life without long, deep shadows, is enough to take a risk to catch the golden glimmer of freedom. Now I know my worth, I know that I am everything I’ve been searching for in other people.