Broken mirrors

I have many mirrors in my house, a huge dark one in my workshop, a sober elongated one in my bedroom, and because of its size I wonder if I ever receive nocturnal visits when I sleep. If I do, I wonder what they do when they visit me. I like to think that they are beings of light who come to take care of my dreams, like guardian angels. I also have three mirrors in my bathroom. One of them is broken. I am fascinated by broken mirrors, I find them so beautiful that something is broken but still useful. Sadly we throw them away because they seem dangerous and threatening. Seven years of bad luck comes within a broken mirror, so the symbolic wins again. Because I enjoy a little bit of adrenaline, I keep them for a while, first I put them on the corner next to the door, so they can slowly make their way out to their final destination in the garbage or on the street. Mirrors are portals, for a long time I had one in the shower, I loved it, it was a full body one, and I could shower while my reflection was fading slowly, what a sensual experience, my body in the humidity, my tattoos, finding meaning in them, singing, seeing my own naked body, not necessarily with an erotic look, but rather a look of contemplation, this is my body and with this body I live, it is a unique and unrepeatable body. As an autistic person, I often feel imprisonment in my body in what my body feels, in how it perceives and how it receives the external stimulus with a very low filter capacity. When I look at myself naked in the mirror, I can see my body, and if I see it, it is there, and if it is there, I am there., What I am trying to say is that looking at myself naked helps me return to my body. Obviously I benefit from touching it, feeling it, cleaning it, and taking care of it. I have a hard time showering, I know many people have the same issue and will understand the feeling. It’s not that I’m dirty, in fact I’m always cleaning, I vacuum the house everyday I change my sheets every two weeks at the most, I wash clothes once or twice a week, I wash dishes, I wash dishes in a disorganized way, but I end up washing them anyway. I brush my teeth very little, and I don’t know how I managed to have teeth so healthy (it must be the dental floss I sometimes use, but when I use it, I really use it all the way to the last tooth, even behind the last tooth, all the teeth without exception.) I only have problems with one tooth, the one behind the right fang, that tooth broke in 2014. This year I had vampire fangs done by a dentist friend of mine, unfortunately one broke, the left one. Now I literally have a good side for pictures, the one with the good fang. My broken fang is like the broken mirrors I have in the bathroom, there is something with the fracture that obsess me, I would like to learn the Japanese technique of repairing ceramics with gold, that type of king’s life is what I want, to be someone with power, I’m a number 4 and that makes me the emperor archetype. My domain is in myself, I am my own kingdom that I have to govern, “govern yourself Melisa” they told me today, although they have always told me to control myself, not to move, not to talk so much, not to give my opinion when adults talk, to be more careful, not to speak so fast, not to be so loud, not to ask so many questions. The emperor Melisa orders his kingdom, I wonder who would be the king’s lackeys ? I don’t need to know now either, at the end this king just wants to repair pottery with gold, and look at himself through a broken mirror, smiling with his broken fang.