Chapter 11.

There was always this little fire burning inside of me. A few years ago it resembled a candle being lit. But the fire grew, with every breath I took each day, every time I defended something dear to me. The fire inside me grew to a beautiful bonfire, which could burn you if you didn’t take it seriously enough. I don’t know what happened, but it felt like the fire in me nowadays resembled a chaotic wildfire. It burned my lungs, my whole chest hurt with this fierce pain and I didn’t know how to put it out. How most people say they see red when they’re angry was foreign to me, because when the burning smoke makes its way up to my head it’ll leave everything black. It’s like the darkness I like so much, but it’s not the comfortable, silent darkness. No, this darkness is cold, hard, and it carries so much anger with it, that sometimes it feels unbearable. But that is what I like so much about my anger. It’s not hot, and it will not burn you if you take a step too close to it. No, that would be too easy. My anger is ice-cold. Yes, even if it’s burning inside me, the flames flicker blue with furry, daring people trying to touch it without even a little suffering. My parents say they don’t know who I am anymore, but how could they? They never really knew me in the first place, they just knew the perfect daughter I always tried to be. They never knew me like Theodore did. So I didn’t even try to pretend that I was fine. I am just standing here next to my parents, the day after Theo’s funeral, holding onto my champagne glass with dear life. And everything made me so god-damn angry. The way everybody in this bloody city gets on with their lives like nothing happened. It made me sick how everybody here tries to come up to me just to tell me how very sorry they are for my loss, just so they could maybe get some gossip about what really happened to the young Caster’s heir. “Celest, my dear girl. My wife and I are so sorry for your loss, do they know-…” without thinking, I clutched my glass harder and harder, and I didn’t stop until I heard it falling on the floor in a million pieces. The shocked gasps around us didn’t even bother me – it was the man, still standing before me trying to get on my last nerves. I think I was about to yell at him, at everybody. Letting it all out, but then a hand with a familiar signet ring grabbed my wrist and practically dragged me outside to the gardens. “What the hell do you want Everett?” My voice was shaking, the anger crawling inside me, trying to get out. “I want you to scream at me.” I haltered, confused. What? “What?” He ran a shaking hand through his hair, making it even more of a black mess on his head. “It’s not like you haven’t done it before.” At my now furious face he just chuckled. “Humor me, little one.” Why on earth would I listen to him? With a deadly sneer, I turned around, I just wanted to go – a scream behind me made me stop mid-step. With the next scream, I turned around slowly to face Everett. He must have lost it all. But what I saw made me want to scream with him. He had his eyes painfully shut, his fist tightly clenched on each side of his body, as he screamed all of his emotions towards the sky. My eyes fell closed on their own and I realized I could now let it all out. So I joined him. We screamed together, our emotions complimenting the red sky above us, as it faded slowly to black. I was aware that if anybody saw us they would think we were in fact completely insane. I, however, wasn’t aware of the silent tears running down Cecil’s face as he watched us with a knowing smile. Happy that Everett and I now had at least each other to lean on.