Chapter 13

I am sinking. There is water all around me. The bridge is somewhere far away. I jumped from it a few seconds ago. “I can’t breathe”, I try to yell but no one hears me. “I can’t-“

“Serena?”, Justin asks me. I am pulled out of my nightmare. I’ve been sinking. I always do. I always die in the end. It’s good that it’s me in that nightmare and not him. I don’t know how I could ever live without him. Although they are just nightmares, even the thought of living without him tears me apart. I hope I will die first. From the two of us. So I can love him and have him near. Forever.

“SERENA”

“It was just a nightmare, love”, he tells me. “Just a nightmare.”

“RENA”

“Are you here with me, babe?”, I ask, tugging onto his shirt like he would be my personal lifeline. “I am. I am here with you. I always will be”, he answers.

“SERENA”, Phoebe shouts at me, shaking me by my shoulders. She is yelling, shouting my name. She’s been sleeping with me ever since she came, in case I might need someone to remind me I’m alive during the night. As if that wouldn’t be a nightmare in itself. “Serena”, she calls again, her voice more calmed down now. But still worried. Very worried. “It is alright. It was just a nightmare”, she tells me. “Just a nightmare.” “The nightmare has just begun”, I dare whisper. A tear rolls down her face. She makes me a sign to sit up straight and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze: “You know”, she whispers, “when I heard about the accident, about what happened, a part of me was grateful.” I look at her confused. She sighs. “Don’t get me wrong”, Phoebe begins, “I couldn’t believe what happened. All I wanted to do was think that it is all a lie and that Justin still lives and breathes, and he’s happy with you.” She takes a deep breath. “But a part of me was grateful…That it was him the one driving that car and not you.” I shatter. I don’t think I can ever breathe again.

“Are you sure you want to drive?”, I ask him, handing him the keys. He nods. “Just because it’s your car too now, doesn’t mean I can’t drive it too once in a while”, he replies. I chuckle at that. “Look at you. Making me sound like I were a thief”, I counter. He smirks. “You are”, he begins. I hit him in the ribcage. He laughs again. Then adds: “The thief of my heart.” “Who knew I’m marrying someone so poetic?”, I say, sneaking a glance at the engagement ring on my finger.“Only for you, love.” Only for you.

“It should have been me”, I answer. “We were on our way to his parents. I usually drove the car, but he wanted me to enjoy the ride. Sit back and see the view.” Only I saw blood. And him. Breathless. No flicker of light in his eyes.