Chapter 14

[Maybe that wasn’t the best decision to make.]

I had now realized what an idiotic thing I had done. I shouldn’t have left him like that, all he did was try to help me and care for me. He didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve him. It was already too late. I had left him standing there in front of the door that I shut in his face.

I could either go back and apologize or I could own my mistake and leave. Going back would take a lot of heart, but it would be the best option for both of us, leaving would just take us back to zero. I stood there for a long time, thinking about the ups and downs of both decisions, but in the end, I was still me.

I didn’t dare to go back.

I knew how my actions would be, throwing every little thing we had out the window, but that was just how it was. Maybe this was for the best. Nothing we had been really permanent, it had always ended, even if it was just for a while. Each time it ended, we started from the beginning. At some point, it stopped. We couldn’t get any further in our little story, it always reset back to the start. If this were the peak of our relationship, then this was all just pointless. This wasn’t what I wanted. This wasn’t the thing I longed for all these years, this was not it.

If I continued this, I-, no, we would be stuck in this circle forever. It would be better to let it go and start something new. Something that wasn’t built on constant heartbreaks. Even from the start, we had always lived in completely different worlds.

[From the first time I ever held your book in my hands, to the last time I saw you, I have always been in love.

I’m sorry I always left you standing. There were so many things I wanted to say to you at those times, but I never found the words for them. You were the same, weren’t you? That’s why you pour your heart and soul into your novels. Although you couldn’t say them out loud, you always found the words to write them down. That’s why I’m also writing these down. Here are some words I had always wanted to say, but never found the words for them.

I always liked how you cared for me and spoke in a soft tone, even when I was being incredibly ornery.

I always liked it when you answered my calls, even when busy with your books.

I always liked it when you forgave every one of my mistakes, even when I was wrong.

Most importantly, I always loved it when you were here.

Love, Charlotte]