Chapter 4

Back in the present Cora is still sitting in her room, sketching the view from her window, when there is a knock on the door.
“Come in, Mom,” she says without looking up from her drawing. Her mom opens the door slowly before poking her head in. “Hey sweetheart, you alright?” “Yeah,” she answers, still not looking up. “I brought you some food,” her mom remarks as she swings the door open with her foot to reveal a plate of Mac N Cheese in one hand and a large glass of water in the other. “You haven’t eaten much today,” she continues. “Oh, yeah. I forgot,” Cora is looking up now and puts her notepad to the side, so she could receive both the plate and the glass.

After her mom is done handing them over, she sits on the foot of Cora’s bed. The younger looks up questioningly, before devoting her attention back to the food. They sit in a tense silence for a while, Cora eating and her mom looking at the ground before her.
“I’m worried about you,” her mother finally admits, “Will you be okay?” Cora is taken aback by the question. “Uhm, yeah. Probably. I– I think so? Will you be?” Her mother looks at her with glassy eyes and a sad smile, before diverting her gaze to the window. “Eventually.”

“How were you so calm at dad’s funeral?” Cora asks out of nowhere. Where did this come from? Her eyebrows draw together. “I’m sorry?” her mother looks scandalized. “Like, you were smiling at some of the guests. You seemed so… put together. I can barely even remember the funeral.” Her mom’s gaze softens. She takes a moment to think. “I think we both dealt with it in a similar way. I can barely remember it either. I just know that, in a way, it didn’t even feel like I was me that day. I felt… detached. Does that make sense?” Cora nods. “I miss him,” Cora’s voice wavers. A small, pitiful ‘oh’ escapes her mothers lips as she moves to hug Cora. The embrace is tight but gets interrupted by the plate nearly falling off Cora’s legs. Her mom catches it before it falls tough and they laugh momentarily. Then there is a silence again.

“I miss him too. But I’m so glad I still have you,” her mother’s eyes are searching for reassurance in her daughter’s. “I’m glad your still here too. Obviously,” Cora chuckles weakly at her last statement. So does her mom. Her mom is so violently afraid of losing another loved one. Her daughter. It’s hard to look at, her trying to be strong for her daughter while feeling irreversibly shattered. “Uh mom, did you leave the TV on downstairs?” “Maybe? Why?” Cora shakes her head. “Just thought I heard something.” She looks down at her blanket.  “You don’t have to worry too much about me, mom, okay? I will be fine, eventually.” Her mom smiles at her. “It’s just hard right now,” Cora continues. “Everything reminds me of him, and it’s still…like, painful, in a way. But, I think that’ll get better, too.” “I’m sure,” her mother reassures her. “But sometimes I see something that brings up a memory of him that makes me laugh, and I’m grateful for that.” Cora smiles a tight smile. “I don’t think I’m quite there yet.” Her mom gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll get there.” Cora nods once. 

“Okay I think I’ll watch a movie while eating now.” “Alright, I’ll come back to grab the dishes. Bye sweetheart.” Her mom gives her a kiss on top of her head and leaves.