Chapter 5: Family Resentment

“What are you watching? Stop dreaming; there’s no money for such endeavors,”That’s what my mom said when I was watching Thach Trang’s video, owner of my20s YouTube channel. She clearly expressed her confusion and disappointment with me. Despite being prepared for my family’s opposition, I couldn’t help but feel shocked and sad. I understand now that her resentment comes from helplessness. She didn’t know what to do or where to find a large amount of money for me to study abroad. My father passed away when I was in 12th grade, and all the financial pressure fell on my mother. Her situation is undoubtedly no better than mine.

Then, more and more relatives in my family found out about my desire to study abroad. They have repeatedly called me to convince me to give up. Some said I was too small and weak to live there, while others accused me of being an ungrateful child. I understood that they were stopping me because of their limited beliefs. I don’t want to live in constant fear. I want to explore what I desire over fear. I don’t want to live a dull life, following what adults say. Doing things considered “right” and “stable.” No emotions, no happiness, and no joy. Like a robot.

It was an incredibly tough period for me when everything felt overwhelming. My mind was constantly racing with thoughts, causing significant stress and preventing any moments of relaxation. I decided to go to the mental hospital for a mental health examination and received a diagnosis of depression and anxiety disorder. This journey is undoubtedly challenging. I shed many tears. I shared with my family that I was depressed, hoping for gentler treatment, but my mother continued to shout at me every time I was home. Despite my tears and pleas, it didn’t change. During that phase, I often isolated myself in my room, and cried. There were times when I felt like giving up on life, but the thought that I haven’t experienced the good things yet and that better times might be ahead kept me going. Holding onto a glimmer of hope, I persist and persist, cry and cry, and then persist and persist.

At that time, fortunately, I had friends standing by my side, serving as my emotional support. Despite not being biologically related, they treat me like family. I am truly grateful to have them on my journey. Thank you all.

When you choose something and it brings difficulties, it’s not your fault. You don’t always have to be okay. The right path also encounters difficulties. Allow yourself to share and accept. Your journey will become a bit easier. Just knowing your own truth is enough, because only you understand yourself the best, and only you know what is best for yourself.