Chapter 9.

I’m running. I feel like something is chasing me, but what? I just want to feel numb once again. It was peaceful. I don’t like the way my chest hurts with this crucial pain. I can’t run anymore. “Celest!” Who is there? Is that what is chasing me? “CELEST!” I stopped running, and not a second later darkness wrapped itself around me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel as alone as I felt before. Just as I was about to let myself fall, something cold and cruel grabbed my throat. I woke up with a scream. My eyes searched the room, panicked, and landed on Bella. “I’m here, you are not alone, ma petite. I had to wake you up, you were screaming.” Her tender hand brushed against my cheek. “It’s okay to cry, Cherie; I understand.” I was crying? Why? My throat burned as I tried to tell her what happened. “Bella – I had – the weirdest dream.” As I continued to talk my voice cracked with emotion. “I- Bella, I dreamed that Theo die – died and…” I wasn’t even able to tell her about my dream, not before panic flooded my entire being. I had to check on him. Had to make sure he was alright. Bella’s hand dropped in her lap as a quiet sob escaped her lips. I tried to ignore it and continued to search for my phone. I have to hear his voice. He was the only one that could calm me in this state. “Cherie, Theo – he.” Her gaze flickered through the room before it fell back on me. She looked at me like I would break at any moment. “It wasn’t a dream, not all of it.” Then all the memories I tried to forget came rushing back. I felt like I was drowning in them. Cecil with tears in his eyes. Theo’s cold hand in mine. Myself screaming, because I couldn’t handle the pain inside of me. Everett, as we both sobbed through the night. As I held onto him, afraid that I would lose everything if I couldn’t hold him tight enough. My eyes shifted to Bella’s and I practically felt how much she pitied me. “I want to be left alone. If you would, please.” I never sounded that clinical before. “Cherie, I don’t think you should be alone at this moment.” Her voice carried so much pity in it, that I loathed it the second it left her mouth. With a few quick steps, I was at my door, and I opened it for her to finally leave. Ignoring the dizzy feeling that crept into my head. “I believe that I just asked you to leave.” With a defeated sigh, Bella stood and left the room. I felt her eyes on me, but I couldn’t meet her gaze. I know I would crumble if I had to see this pity once again. As soon as she was outside my door, I slammed it shut behind her. A few moments after that, I couldn’t hold myself up anymore and fell on my knees. It felt like a Déjà vu. In the middle of my room. All alone, once again. I waited for someone who would never be by my side again. My sight turned blurry from all the tears that left my eyes. I didn’t let myself believe that Theo was gone. Dead. I tried to tell myself that everything was just some crude joke and that nothing had changed. I need time. My breath hitched. Time to let myself believe that I would never hear his beautiful voice again. He just couldn’t leave me alone like that! Why can’t I breathe normally? I won’t accept that I would never feel him playing with my hair again just to annoy me. Black dots appeared everywhere in my room. What is happening to me? I can’t believe that I will never catch his scent again. I panicked as I couldn’t move a single muscle in my body. My world turned black and everything finally felt at peace. Nothing can happen to me here. Here I could pretend that nothing was amiss. I quite like this darkness.