chapter nine – emery

I flinch at my mother’s words.
“Emery, I told you countless times to study more! Why don’t you listen to me just once?” I had just shown her that I got an 8 on my exam for English. “Bloody hell, how do you plan on becoming a doctor like your sister with those grades?!” my mum asks, her voice raised.
“But I don’t want to be a doctor like Ava! I’ve told you countless times that I want to play football!” I scream at her. I am so done with this. It’s a fight like every other one. A fight like the ones we have nearly every night of the week.
“God Emery! When will you finally stop dreaming those silly dreams of yours? You are bonkers. You’re not going to be a football player one day! In fact, you shouldn’t be! You’re a girl,” my mum says matter-of-factly as if that would be any reason why I shouldn’t become a professional football player. She’s always allowed me to play, but she never supported it. She hasn’t come to a single one of my games and even though I always knew she wouldn’t come, I searched for her in the crowd every damn time. “Why can’t you just be like all the other girls?” my mum lets out a sigh.
“And how am I supposed to be?” I question silently.
“You’re supposed to be normal. You’re a girl, so you do things like painting. You have good grades and most of all, you love boys. Because you’re a girl!” my mum shouts at me as if that should be clear to me.
I stumble back feeling like I’ve been hit. My parents would never physically hurt me, it’s a border they never crossed, but with those words, my mum might as well.
Even my dad looks shocked. He puts a hand on my mum’s shoulder.
“Kate,” he says warningly.
“No, you know it’s true Matt!” my mum is furious. “Someone should’ve told her long ago and forbid this nonsense!” she growls. Sobs start to escape my mouth even though I don’t want them to. I don’t want my mother to see how much her words affect me. How deep they cut. I push past her and make my way upstairs to my room. I can hear steps behind me, but I don’t stop until I am in my room, slamming my door shut. Someone lightly knocks but I don’t answer. The door still opens. Through the blur of my tears, I can see my dad. He comes over to me and pulls me into a hug.
“I am sorry lovebug. I really am,” it’s the first time he’s ever acknowledged that he doesn’t agree with my mum, but it doesn’t my mother’s words hurt any less.

I wake up gasping for air, tears streaming down my face. This was a memory that I didn’t need to live through again in my dreams. Next to me, Bea is awake within seconds.
“Hey,” she pulls me into a hug with one arm and turns on her fairy lights with the other so that the darkness is gone.
“I am here with you. You’re not alone,” she whispers while drawing soothing circles over my back.
I let myself fall into her arms. My tears are now freely streaming down my face and for once I don’t care. Because the person who made them appear is not here to see them and hurt me any more.