by LeniPreuß
“Do you want to tell me what made you stand on that bridge?” I cautiously ask Emery.
“I-uhm,” she nods but doesn’t go on. I don’t press any further because I feel like she needs a moment.
“Life has been really hard lately,” Emery starts. Then her walls start to crumble and a flood of words comes out of her mouth.
“Being a teenager is hard. And growing up is so scary. I don’t know where my place is in this world. I feel lost. I feel like my parents have all those expectations of me and no matter what I do, it’s never enough. I have an older sister, who I love, don’t get me wrong. But she’s like – the golden child. She always had such good grades in school, now she’s a doctor with a husband and their first kid on the way. And my parents want the same for me. Instead, they got the lesbian daughter who plays football. They think it’s all I care about and that I don’t do enough for school since I train every day of the week. But my grades were never as good as my sister’s and frankly, I am just tired. I am exhausted. When I play football I feel alive. Most of the days it’s the only time when I feel anything at all. And I don’t feel like I am living. I just feel like I am surviving at this point,” Emery ends, a single tear accompanying her words.
I don’t say anything. I don’t tell her that I am sorry, because I am not. Pitying someone doesn’t help. Most of the time, it makes the situation suck even more, I know that firsthand. Instead, I pull her into a hug. Instantly, Emery rests her head on my shoulder.
“Don’t give up Emery. Never. I don’t want to compare myself to you, because it’s not possible, but I’ve had dark thoughts before. The reasons were entirely different, but the thoughts were there. And it’s fucking hard, I am not going to lie. Some days, just starting your day is hard. And it’s fine if you stay in bed all day, I’ve learnt that. So maybe, just because I have a slight idea of what you’re going through, don’t give up. It will be one of the most difficult things you’ve ever done, but you can get out of this. I believe in you,” I tell Emery, who’s silently listening. I share the part of my story with her that I feel is the most important. I don’t tell her why I was in a place similar to the one she is in right now, she doesn’t need to know that. Not yet.
Emery is silent. I know she’s trying to process everything I just said.
“Okay,” she gives me a slight nod but doesn’t seem fully convinced yet. “I’ll try.”
© LeniPreuß 2023-08-08