Chasing Sunlight

The sun finally outplayed the darkness. The nights get shorter and the world less dark.

You can hear laughter in the evenings again and the birds that slowly return from their winter journey.
Kids playing, people laughing, elongating their faces towards the sun, entrapping the light warmth of the sun on their skins. The indulgence on their faces when they get to stand in the sunlight or looking at flowers has always been so wholesome for me.
Dogs run around, chasing balls or sticks to make their owners proud.
Flowers stretching pedals to the sky, slowly rising from the ground. The world looks so much more colorful now. Every year, when spring comes around, it feels like everyone’s souls are waking up from a deep dreamless sleep.
And I?
I’m sitting at my desk, writing letters, threading beads on to strings, surrounded by crumpled up pieces of paper, dried out markers and two half-empty bottles of wine while thinking about what the beginning of spring means for me. If it means anything at all.
I’m waking up. Rising from the ashes someone else left in my heart. It’s a new start.  A beginning my soul needed so badly.
I don’t know where to start, and I’m scared to even think about the possibilities I might have already missed.
This time last year, I went on walks with you, quite unsure if I should wear a coat.
You’re on your own now. Somewhere out and about in the world. And so am I.
If the world can start blooming again, maybe I can too.

All it takes to see little miracles everywhere I let my eyes wander is one look through the dusty glass in my room. Lovers walking beside each other with their hands intertwined, telling each other how much they love them. Best friends sitting in the grass, talking about everything. Mothers hold their daughters tight. Fathers pat their sons on the back to show their pride. Butterflies are fluttering around letting their wings soak up every beam of the sun.

The world is beautiful. And I get to live in it, be a part of it. I’m in charge of my own little miracles, and I’m going to create them, make them come true, whatever they will be.
The world wakes up every year. I do it every day.