Crossing Time Zones – Part 1/2

At 4 a.m., I was wide awake. I’d got up to use the bathroom and couldn’t fall back asleep. After several attempts to force myself back to sleep, I didn’t succeed.

Listening to soothing stories on Audible is usually my last resort, and it almost always works. But not tonight.

Lying in bed, my mind drifted toward self-reflection—it felt automatic, like a mechanism I couldn’t shut off. Most often, my thoughts circle back to work and my colleagues, and I start overthinking. I find myself replaying situations that have already happened, knowing I can’t change the past, but thinking about them anyway. I hate that I keep doing this. It’s because I care too much about what people think of me, and often, I end up prioritising others’ needs and opinions over my own. The urge to prove myself is always there.

At least I’m aware of this now. I’ve learnt to be kinder to myself and understand that life isn’t about proving myself to anyone. I may not yet be who I want to be, but I’m working on it; this takes practice and time.

Every time I realise I’m overthinking, I try to cut off the train of thoughts and do something else that fills my mind and feels like a better use of my time. Which is exactly why I got up. I thought about writing, but I felt too groggy, so I distracted myself with one of my comfort shows, Star Trek: Voyager. Captain Janeway will always have a place in my heart.

After finishing an episode, I noticed it started getting brighter outside. I love this time of day—dawn. It’s my favourite hour, when everything is still, and life is about to begin.

I paused the show and picked up my phone to text my best friend in Thailand. One of the perks of having friends on different continents is the time difference; it was just after noon there.

We’ve known each other since middle school. She’s the charming one, the centre of our group. If anyone has news or wants an update on how the others are doing, she’s our central point.

“Are you there?” I texted. “I’m fine, though—no drama, just miss you and was thinking about our time in high school. It’s 5 a.m., and I can’t sleep,” I added.

I mentioned there was “no drama” because lately, I’ve only texted her to vent about stressful days, especially about work. I don’t do it often, but I understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of those messages. When people want to vent, it’s easier to listen if your own life feels manageable. But if it doesn’t, even a little negativity can feel overwhelming.

The three dots appeared, showing she’d seen my message and was typing. “What’s up? Did you know TP is about to get married?”

Always our newskeeper. 

“Yes, I saw it on Instagram,” I answered. Another wedding I can’t attend because I’m an ocean away.