December, 20th

We’d practiced together for a while until Adrian had been able to stay on his feet without tripping every few seconds. But even then, he’d insisted I keep holding his hand – as a preventative measure, he’d said, but the mischief in his eyes had told me the truth: He’d kept holding my hand simply because he’d wanted to. Which had made my heart melt in a way that should make me panic, yet somehow didn’t.

We hadn’t been off the rink and perched on that wicked bench for long when Adrian pulled a folded paper out of the pocket of his coat. His smile grew sheepish, but I could see a hint of nervousness on his face. He took a deep breath. “I know it’s still four days till Christmas, but I wanted to give you this now. Because I think it might make you smile, and I rather like seeing you smile.”

His words turned something inside me a little weak, and I was glad we were sitting down – because I was sure if we had been standing, I’d have sunk to the floor, with all strength leaving my legs. No one had ever said something like this to me, and I realized just now how good it felt to have someone who genuinely wanted to see me smile. Because I hadn’t smiled during the weeks leading up to Christmas in a long time.

With a sudden determination, he put the folded paper into my hands, as if he needed to give it to me before he’d change his mind. Carefully, curiously, I unfolded it, finding a beautiful hand-drawn picture of a woman in a green costume. When looking at it more closely, I realized the woman… was me. Holding a Christmas gift under my arm and a hat in my hand which looked like the one Adrian wore when he played Santa’s elf at the Meet Santa point. Without even knowing why, I felt my eyes well up with tears.

“I think it’s ironic how Santa’s elves and the Grinch are both associated with the color green. Like, one wants Christmas to be as perfect as possible, and the other wants to cancel it altogether. That kind of reminded me of you. I thought by dressing you in green, I’d remind you that you have the same choice, too. You know, even if you decide to wear all green, it doesn’t mean you turned into the Grinch. It could also mean you turned into Santa’s helper, little elf.”

I kept staring at the picture in front of me, unable to look away. I felt Adrian’s eyes on me, assessing my reaction, waiting patiently. Then his hand touched the side of my head, slowly caressing my cheek with his thumb. I lifted my gaze to look at the man who’d done so much for me while barely knowing me. While making an effort to truly get to know me.

His fingers tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, gaze dipping down to my lips, then up again. Eyes blazing with a question. Barely noticeably, I nodded, a silent answer, a quiet consent, which he must have understood, because his head came closer, closer – ever so slowly, at an almost torturous speed, always giving me a chance to change my mind. Always giving me a choice.

His lips were mere inches from mine, and just as I was about to close the gap between them, not being able to wait any longer, a phone started ringing through our silence. My phone.