Demo – Uncharted Waters

J-S-Wynne

by J-S-Wynne

Story

I was born in a place where the one season all year round is rain, only differentiated by cold rain or warm rain. Maybe that is why water seems to move me constantly forward. It was next to a river, in a port city, to a carpenter and a waitress and I was born not only the only child, but also the only grandchild. Therefore, the two things my life never lacked were love and rain. After graduating, I decided to move further north, to a place with even more rain and the promise of greater happiness. And so, after a messed up and stressful application process, I finally moved to a tiny room somewhere in Copenhagen and started studying at uni, as one of the first in my family, not knowing what would be awaiting me. The transition to my new life was as exciting as it was jarring. The city moved at a different pace, quieter and more restrained than what I was used to. Fresh out of the house, I was learning to cook for one instead of three and navigating systems I had no prior experience with. The satisfaction of finally making it on my own, constantly clashed with the loneliness of being a stranger just trying to dock on anywhere to secure myself in those days.

When I first arrived in Copenhagen and took the metro I almost stumbled over and made a fool of myself. I was not used the the rhythm and speed like I had been to the trains at home. While others stood relaxed without holding onto the handles, I felt like a sea fish suddenly thrust into the strong current of a river, suddenly unsure if I ever learned how to swim. Now, years later I can tell you: the secret is to stay all wobbly, and let the rhythm of the train move you, instead of trying to fight the stream. Keep your feet firmly planted on the ground. When life moves you, move with it to keep yourself from crashing against the immovable rocks that are part of this river bed. Fighting the current is difficult and exhausting. Learning how to read its signs, predicting where it will take you, and hopping into the right one will take you further with fewer bruises. A fish must learn to swim anywhere to find happiness. Trouble only comes when it tries to join the strange creatures on land.

Memory is a peculiar thing, sometimes shifting things from a blurry past into focus, like drawing the velvet curtains from a play you didn’t know you took part in. Other times, it takes what seemed clear and twists it, rearranging fragments until you’re left staring at a scene you no longer recognize. Reflecting on my journey, the early days in Copenhagen, and even more so the memories that came before, seem both vivid and distant, like scenes from someone else’s life. Who is this life that was lived and what does it mean? Some old stories remain, though their truths are now uncertain. You fear that scrutinizing these truths too closely might dissolve the very anchors of your identity, leaving you adrift in an ocean of confusion. One more wave of doubt, and you might be severed from your moorings, drifting horizonless, with no goal or direction, but only with the eternal current pushing you into uncharted territory. The trouble with growing up is that nobody has taught me how to navigate these waters. Each moment, each decision feels like learning to swim all over again in a sea where the currents are unpredictable and the shores always just out of sight. The first days I spent in this city were all about feeling out the bounds of a new home.

© J-S-Wynne 2024-07-26

Genres
Biographies
Moods
Emotional, Reflective