dreaming

You appeared in my dreams again. Tonight. Dreams are weird, so wondrous, so unapproachable. Sometimes I wish they were true, sometimes I just wish I could forget them quickly. And I do that so often. I forget all the details or even the whole dream. How many times have you appeared in my dreams and I’ve forgotten? I’d love to return those small details back to my memory.

Your words. I would like to write them down, hold them somewhere, so I don’t forget them again.

Your gaze. I’d love to draw you so that I never have to erase that look from my thoughts.

But it is too late. The details are already fading.

I want to let go of this dream that you are. Always in the back of my head but not quite tangible. Fully aware everything about it rather compares to a mirage than the truth of reality, I wish for the opposite. What if everything’s happened because it was meant to and the universe has a plan I’m yet unaware of?

Will I ever see you again?

My imagination turns and twists, grasping at straws, trying to pull you back into my illusion. But then the universe sends the sign I’ve been waiting for, though it’s not what I’ve been hoping for. The illusion falls apart like glass of a broken mirror whilst reality remains unaltered.

Your Picture

Strange how – after all these years – you can still take me breath away. Unexpected but not unwished-for. Hopeful but yet a bit delirious. The upright stance, that small raise in the corner of your lips and your eyes, piercing, as if you already knew the depths of my thoughts. All of a sudden I can hear your voice like we talked just the other day. The desire to hear your laughter again grows with the minutes. The recollection is faint, but it’s there. Sweet but short.
I knew I never quite settled the matter; you’ve always been the unfinished chapter in the book of my life, but a simple coincidence shaking my up this way, clearly caught my off guard. My stomach turns and my heart cramps as if in grief. Suddenly this whole event seems unsought after all.