Epilogue

The whole room was quiet, the stage dimly lit and my breath unsteady. Only a few steps separated me from the microphone in the spotlight. My hand unconsciously fidgeted with my hair and I forcibly tried to stop it. It was now or never. Today, I would take another step, a small one to the world, unnoticed by the audience that would probably forget me as soon as the left the hall. A big one for me. A really big one. My hand clenched the rail as I waited for my signal. And then it came.

“Hey, my name is Marie and today I want to tell you my story, a story about confidence.”

Life is not as easy as a fairy tale, not even a novel. When you start reading a book, you know it’s gonna have a happy ending, otherwise society won’t be understanding. Society cuts the ugly parts from vision, leaving you in what feels like a prison.

Display your strength, your confidence. Hide your fear and nonperformance. And if you don’t, make it look pretty.

Fall down, but have a handsome prince help you up. Fail an exam, but tell them a tragic reason. Show them the natural beauty you spent hours on in the bathroom.

The world is twisted.

Confidence is the new standard. Confidence to show your perfectly trained body on social media, concealing the time and suffering that path took. Confidence to make a thousand friends to have fun with, concealing that at night you cry alone. Confidence to stand on a stage and talk, concealing how many years you ran away from that.

I am not confident.

I’m wearing a long dress, so you don’t see how my legs shiver. I’m holding the mic close, so the shadow of my hands covers my red cheeks. I’m speaking fast, so nobody notices the squeak in my voice.

I am not confident. Not yet.

For years, I wrote lines of poetry, a way for me to just feel free, until I faced reality. All I ever had was ideas, not a single worthy text, just fears.

Confidence can’t be learned in a single day, instead it’s a very long way. It is no sure-fire success, but a mess. It takes effort, overcoming, a path, where every step is challenging.

I am on this path, taking a step this very moment. My fear is no foe, but a challenger, to show me the path to my future.

Thank you for listening.