epilogue

ten years later – emery

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Ellie, Happy Birthday to you,” we sing with crooked voices while stepping into our daughter’s room. The white curtains are still closed, so it’s dark in here besides the little flame of the candle that’s sitting in a muffin. We go over to her bed where Eliza is now sitting up. She is holding her stuffed mouse named Cheese in one hand. It’s the one stuffed animal she takes with her wherever she goes.
“Happy Birthday sweetie,” my wife crouches down to her and kisses our daughter. I join them and pull them into a hug.
“Happy fourth Birthday Ellie Bear,” I whisper into my daughter’s ears.
“Thank you mumas,” our daughter replies. Her name for both of us “Mum and Mama” is something my wife Mila and I melt at every time she says it. I go over to open the curtains and let some light in while my wife picks Eliza up. We go downstairs in just our pyjamas. Downstairs we sit at the table and I place the little birthday crown on my daughter’s head. It’s still a little too big, so it sits skew on her head which makes her even more adorable. It’s the perfect family morning.

➵ ➵ ➵

A few hours later Eliza is running around the yard, in her t-shirt that has a big glittery four printed on the front, playing catch with her cousins and friends. I can hear her laughter throughout the whole backyard, and it makes my heart bloom knowing that she is happy. I lock eyes with my dad over the table and smile at him. He smiles back. My mum never came around after I moved out and pursued my career as a professional football player. My dad though, has come to every game since then. He attended my wedding and is coming over to see Eliza regularly. Today I know that it’s my mother’s loss and that I did nothing wrong. I get up to refill some drinks when someone slings their arms around my waist from behind.
“Hi,”Mila presses a kiss on my cheek. I turn around and give her a kiss.
“Hey darling,” I reply with a smile.
“Are you good?” she asks. And I know what she means. This is not the place I imagined being at exactly ten years after Bea has passed, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Things are not how I imagined they would be in my future, but this is way better than anything I imagined. Surrounded by my wife and long-term best friend celebrating our daughter’s birthday is the best.
“Yeah,” I say honestly. Eliza comes running towards us stopping right before she crashes into us.
“Mumas, can I have ice cream now?” she begs.
“Yes, I think it’s ice cream time now Ellie Bear,” I tell her. That her Birthday and the day Bea died are the same day is something that maybe was just meant to be. Naming her Eliza as a shorter version of Elizabeth is Mila’s and my tribute to Bea. Because without her, we wouldn’t be here together celebrating the little girl we love more than anything. And even though it’s not possible, Eliza has as many freckles as the night sky has stars, just like Bea did.