by Sinapyses
I live comfortably when there is not just one thing that identifies me.
I am many things. I don’t want to live only for the job. Or for the place where I live. Or for friends. Or for (I interrupted myself) the object of love.
I begin to feel ready for something. I feel a different kind of precariousness.
These months registered here encompass other kinds of changes, and this year has brought many. A year divided into two diametrically opposed moments. Reflected in the same mirror that separates them and sends back two different sides.
More is yet to come. Life is expanding like the universe. It’s a pity that we can only experience one lifetime. Is the universe enclosed in my life or is my life enclosed in the universe?
Twelve years of my life are recorded on words of paper. Spaces filled with spaces of life.
Do memories create other lives? We cannot see them-live them from within. We relate to them as if they were other lives. I can only see my life distorted by the filter of the present, as what happened in the past no longer belongs to me.
Do the six months I lived in Senegal belong to me? And ‘my’ (in the sense that I lived it) year in Lisbon? How do I remember those moments?
Even when I live, I remember (record). It is as if I were using a tape, watching a projection. To live is to perceive, but you cannot record everything. That is why certain pieces/details of the present escape us. But everything that has not escaped us remains. We filter, but let everything in. Everything we perceive.
In these recorded words there is little of my present, but there is all of my present.
Everything I feel now.
© Sinapyses 2023-04-11