Exhausting pleasures – the epitome of health

I sit down in a corner. There are chairs all around me, but the floor is my safe option. I feel the cold hard floor through the fabric of my dress, and it feels soothing in a way. I shoot a glance down at my hands. They look funny, so round, the fingers like little Vienna sausages. All ten sausages seem so fragile, like minimal force could break them at any moment. I wonder if I tried, would I succeed? My pinkie bone, splintering off, goes off into the distance. It lays there, on the ground, with me. Well, it’s about a few meters away. The sight of red water spilling out of my finger is nothing else but beautiful. The pained expression on my faced changes into joy for a brief moment. …I decide to let out my most blood-curdling scream. Maybe then the crowd will recognize my pain, notice that I am there.

They keep on chattering. Of course, it did not really happen, reality #1 is never affected. I live in my head. In fact, I am the universe consisting of itty-bitty fragments of my fragile mind. Whenever I daydream, whenever the intrusive thoughts pop up, one of the thousands of parallel timelines is affected.

Into the room steps a gorgeous woman who certainly lights up the party’s atmosphere. The eye-catching stranger has an athletic build and it suits her. Those dark brown eyes beams of power, like she’s about to step on the surrounding crowd any time and crush their hopes and dreams. Instead, she holds out her hand and begins socializing. My gaze follows her around the ballroom wherever she goes. After some time, she makes her way over to me. I get off the floor. Why me? Plagued by nervousness, I am paralyzed. She grins at me. “So… what do you do for fun in this town?” I know what she is trying to do. I’ll play along for now, keep up my appearance. I think. I think. Yet, I know better than to say that out loud. “I like to draw.” I grin back. She expects me to react this way.

“Oh, you draw! I’m somewhat of an artist myself. “She shifts her weight onto the right foot, also tilting her head slightly to the side. Her eyes light up. She is so pretty. “You are? Do you have any work to show me?” I ask because I am certain she wants to show me. I do not have to look at it, for my response is everlasting. “That looks so pretty! How long did you work on it?” My mind trails off and my eyes drift to her collarbone, then to her cleavage. I quickly stop myself and look back into her eyes. She is expecting you to answer, dumbass.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that. Could you maybe repeat it for me?” Idiot. That is why you barely have any friends. Why are you here? God, you are a failure. “Oh, I was just asking if you could maybe show me any drawing of yours?” I forge through my phone gallery and search for the best I could show her. Afterward, I hold the phone about half a meter away from her face. Her eyes widen. “You DREW that?” She is going down the pity route. “Yeah.. It’s not that good though, I’m sorry” “Are you kidding?? It looks amazing! Care to share some drinks with me?” This is too overbearing. …. “I’m really sorry, but I actually gotta go! My name on Instagram is sal_does_things with underscores between the words. You spell it S a l, yeah, exactly” Her name is thereallila2004. “Lila is a pretty cute name.” I see her cheeks turn a crimson red. “Sal, you say?” ……Tiredness creeps into my veins.