Facing the new

Gómez-Medina

by Gómez-Medina

Story

When I first moved to Manchester, it became quite evident that the way I express myself is not universal. Hearing what people said when they encountered me was the first cultural difference I experienced. “Are you all right?” is the equivalent to “are you ok with us continuing doing whatever activity we are supposed to do”. The only adequate answer to that question is either “yes” or “no”. That is why I received so many strange looks when I replied “yes, thank you for asking” or “I am fine, and you?”. Maybe I should have considered that I was speaking with the supermarket cashier or the bus driver. In my defense, it is possible to have small talk with the cashier in a supermarket back in Chile. And that talk can be related to someone’s feelings.

Also, meeting new people in Manchester was completely different. Most Europeans would softly grab me by my shoulders and kissed me several times in my cheeks. It was particularly complicated to discover the number of kisses I was going to receive and, therefore, the number of times I was supposed to turn my face to the other side. As expected, I ended up almost kissing numerous strangers in the mouth. As I was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings by plainly saying that was awkward to me, I decided to ask why they were greeting me in that manner. “I know Italians do it”- was someone’s answer. It was a personal choice not to explain to them that we are not all Italians. I thought it was obvious.

However, there I was complaining absurdly when I was doing exactly the same thing. Thinking about every Briton drinking tea from a fancy cup like the queen, having the most exaggerated James Bond accent or being incredibly punctual. I was extrapolating my limited knowledge of a country’s culture to all their inhabitants, ignoring the local and individual differences that may exist. My British cultural construct was reshaped after interacting with “northerners”, which was a nice surprise. They all do love tea, though.

It would be madness, then, to apply what I had learned in the UK to Germany, but I unconsciously did it anyway. When I arrived, I missed the politeness and indirect way of saying things; more than once I felt a bit offended during the first weeks. I do not feel that way anymore, but after a year I still feel conflicted when speaking with them. Am I speaking too much or interrupting? Should I kindly hug or kiss that person who seems to be suffering, or should I acknowledge their pain by doing nothing? Is it OK if I give my opinion regarding this matter, or would it be impolite? Is it time to laugh? I would really like to laugh. Loudly. In a way, it feels like I am wearing a pretty tight corset that does not allow me to be myself completely.

As it is complicated for me to deal with what can be considered “them”, I understand that it could be equally difficult for them to deal with me. Encountering and dealing with something/someone different is always challenging, and using preconceptions to address this matter is only the first unconscious step. We must be willing to break all our biases when facing the new and unknown; only then will we understand the true shape and behavior of it. And we may receive a nice surprise later.


© Gómez-Medina 2023-10-16

Genres
Anthologies