Fake America Great Again

This is your President Donald Crump speaking from the Oval Balcony of The White House in Mar-a -Lago. I hope you are doing well, so am I, sitting here on my balcony to give you the actual State of the Union. This morning I worked hard to fake America great again.

The good news: I have already won the next elections in 2024 and all the following ones, and I promise, I shall make out of Mar-Lago a new Crumpington D.C. to honour our history with the real name. We will build a new Capitol for the Congress and the House of Republicans, so it will be easier for the members of both houses to meet after breakfast at the golf course and discuss all important matters of national fake with me. All will be under protect of the presidential guard NPG New Proud Guards.

Some parts of the new constitution: There will be regular elections for President, Congress and House of Republicans, as well as State Governors, to guarantee freedom for fakes in the UFA United Fakes of America. I asked my friend Jair Choponaro to chop some more trees, produce paper and send it via Amazon. It is for my voters with your names on it, I will put the right ballot paper into the right voting box, so you don’t need to move. You see, for you I fake everything.

The so-called Democrats will get settled in Democratian reservations similar to the Indian reservations, with special nursing homes for elderly people like Sleepy Joe or Nervous Nancy and their families, my social commitment! To finance them, they will be allowed to run casinos, hotels and night clubs, managed by Crump Entertainment Resorts Unlimited.

A new Ministry for National Security will be managed by blondhairmatters.org, and to avoid misunderstanding, including blond men with dark hair and old men with white or without hair. Control of climate and health development as well as zoological gardens will be subject to the Ministry of QAnon Truth and Future. And I have instructed Microsweet to produce more sweeties for people who believe in Corona, influenza and Aids (off the record: oh – Billy has just left office, so tomorrow, ok, he is already 67, time to retire).

I ordered them to build a wall in the south to keep these brown sugar daddies away from our country (off the record: no, not the girls, hey, can you bring one of them to tickle him between the legs when I’ve finished – no, don’t mind which color).

As for Foreign Policy, I ordered some guns for my boyhood friends Bladimir Putout – a nice guy, he can ride a horse and knows how to use a rifle – and Kim Young One, to keep the democratian immigrants in their country under control (off the record: these bastards just do not want to play golf with me).

Now I’ll have a nap, and later I will play some mini-golf with this fake-tiger Woods, they told me he is talented, but he does not know how to put the ball from his pants pocket directly into the hole, he needs a coach.

Crumpington D.C., December 07/2022.

(Draft by ghost writer Mike Shakey, still to be released by the chief fake editor).