Falling through loss and heartbreak

Post Breakup Capture

The world outside my bedroom is monochrome. The sky’s a shade of gray, the sun hides from view. And I’m stuck waiting, hoping for a change, for the pain to subside and the hurt to rearrange.

I’m waiting for my smile to stop being fake and for my very first thoughts in the morning to be something else than ‘this was a huge mistake’. I wish I could stay half asleep, where the possibility of us still being together feels true and I kind of expect waking up any moment next to you.

They say time heals all, that I’ll move on and start anew, but I can’t help but feeling lost, without a clue. I try to ‘be strong’, but the tears keep falling, and my heart is in pieces, it feels like it’s stalling.

And all I want to do is cry some more, and the harder I try, the more I miss you and the ‘us’ we once were but no longer are. Turns out, I’m not ready to move on, and I’m failing miserably at ‘being strong’. 

I wish someone would hold me, tell me everything will be alright.. but I’m not ready to be my own guiding light. I need time to process and heal, and to let go of the pain and the love I used to feel.

So I’ll wait for the storm to pass and the skies to clear, and hopefully my heart will soon be ready to face the fear. Until then, I’ll hold on to the love we once knew, and pray that someday, I’ll find my way back to you.

Toxic Love

A fairytale that began
as love at first sight
a connection felt
before the first word was spoken right
attraction and desire, mixed with projections
of what’s to come
but the beauty of this rose had thorns
that cut deep and then some

Would I have tried to resist
had I known I was in for a twist,
or was the magnetic pull too strong
for us to simply co-exist?
because once entangled in your arms,
gasping for air
I ended up losing myself
and I didn’t even care

I should have known that the pain
would only keep growing
but I as an addict you only know
how to keep going
a cycle of destruction
and tearing each other apart,
leaving behind broken petals
and two shattered hearts

This is how our story goes
I am in the mood
to call for the winds
gather the clouds
summon lightning
and release thunder
because the heat of our collision
couldn’t survive the storm