First Day

First day at the boarding school started clumsy. As a private boarding school, we had to respect and wear a uniform, which I have never done in the past. Navy blue skirt, crisp white shirt and a red tie were the highlights of that dress code. As I was getting ready in my room, trying to tie well the tie, I heard girls screaming “Oh My God, we are back, so happy to see everyone. Do you think my skirt is too short?” Once we were all dressed up, we went down to the Assembly hall, and there were the boys that these girls were dying to see back in the boarding area.

As part of my survival instincts the first connections that I have made were with Russian-speaking girls that came from different ex USSR countries, it was easier to at least speak same language and have the support that I was missing. As a kid and by default, I was shy. Not only did I find myself in an unknown setting, but also they all spoke a language, I could barely understand. My eyes wondered to screen the room, there were clearly couples that were happy to be reunited and girls jumping onto their boyfriends a bit too much in public, so much so that I immediately blushed. Coming from a conservative family, this was clearly too much of public display of attention for my taste.

Other couples were reunited only to be separated again, a boy saw a new girl and immediately felt that he had to keep his options open, or a girl that came back after her holidays with a summer fling that is lasting longer than before. Overhearing some conversations, it had started to sink in that I was not a girl that had to report to my parents anymore, and that the lives these girls were living were free and well, despite the young age – sexually active; especially those of some seniors. In all transparency, there were a few hot shots that caught my eye, but I have never been on a date or even just talking to a boy like that ever before – the level of uncomfortable situations and potential issues that were running through my head kept rising, and I was not even in class just yet.

Eventually, we all got to our classrooms, and after the tutor group session was over, which was supposedly a safe space for a small group of people to address any issues, I found my new classmates. My English was definitely below average, and so I was placed in English as second language class, where I discovered that literature class is not about reading a poem and then reciting it in front of the whole class the next day. Literature has taken a new dimension for me, and for the first time since my arrival to this school, I knew that this is my comfort zone. I knew that I had to push myself to move up a level for next year, and study English, as my first language, because I was now eager to discover the literary world, which brought me the creative space that I was longing for. Pride and Prejudice was the first novel that I got to interpret as a student, and I simply fell in love. It is also the reason why, I have grown up to be a hopeless romantic today.

As we moved from class to class, I started to feel a bit more steady, and getting to know the classmates, slowly. Little did I know that my initial connections and so-called friendships were not going to last.