First Years of School

Life was starting to get a little harder; my parents started to pick their favorites and she went with both my sisters and my aunt had to help with the little one and my dad stuck with me

I remember having fears because of my mom because her anger comes so suddenly; it doesn’t take much to make her scream and I used to get threats – she’d put me in the bathroom and lock me in or she’d throw a vase if I was misbehaving or she’d hit me with a rattan stick and I still remember her eyes glaring with anger looking at me while she’d lift her up in the air ready to hit me anytime I would make a mistake, I mean, what should a child do? Get it all right the first try? Shut up and follow anyone’s command? Have no say upon anything? Well I wasn’t allowed to reply to her madness, if I did, she would punish me but I knew as a child that I didn’t want it so I threw her a bigger tantrum than hers; I remember when I threw away all her money in protest of her being mad at me and she was done with me so she put me outside and locked the house; I was shoeless, clueless, confused, and angry – she let me sit there on the cold concrete to think and I still remember her laughing at me, bullying me even though I was on punishment and I didn’t understand what happened myself and instead of getting the explanation, I got to spend several hours outside alone thinking that I’ve gone crazy and being laughed at until she’s done feeling funny and she’d let me in the house again and she never knew it was so painful to me, to be bullied due to having emotions instead of being helped to manage them better and the bullies continue at home and at school as well

Being the odd one out isn’t easy; I was smarter than most students, I was good in everything, but I couldn’t make friends – I was bullied hard by my friends like that time I just got into elementary school, I don’t know what went wrong with me but I then developed wrong behaviors and I started stealing my classmate’s things and kept it for myself and staying shut about it – I was so good until one of them caught me and told her mom about me so her mom came to school and saw me; it was on a field on a Monday, flag ceremony, everyone in school was gathered, her mom found me standing there and started pulling my shoulder with her big angry eyes, she screamed at me and everybody was looking at me being scolded over a missing pencil

So I just stood there, stood my ground and I promised to buy her a new one but nobody really cared about it knowing it was an ex-military school the teachers would do even worse than that; bullying you and screaming at you, throwing your books on the floor, humiliating you in front of everyone, pulling your hair or your ears as punishment, hitting you with a long wood – I still remember coming home with a swollen arm as one of the teacher had hit me with the wood for a minor mistake I made or that one time that a teacher touched my ass as he called me to the front to practice something and I was too scared to tell or to complain but I remember going to school feeling scared, I had fears just coming to school and even more fear coming back home as my dad wouldn’t be there yet and I only felt safe with him and I felt weirder and weirder everyday and I experienced violence but I became more and more like my dad – I shut up.