You are my forever crush. That one guy who never truly leaves my mind. That one guy who always makes me feel so light and happy. Who’s there for me whenever I need someone to cheer me up in the most light-hearted ways. You’re so easy to be around. It’s not that I think about you every day or dream about you and me being more than what we currently are though. We’re friends. I’m more than happy with that. And if we just stayed friends forever, I wouldn’t be sad. I wouldn’t even be sad if you called me in the middle of the night because you couldn’t sleep. Telling me about your new love and how happy you are to have found that missing piece in your soul you’ve always been looking for. I’d be genuinely happy for you. My heart wouldn’t break into a thousand pieces and my stomach would not feel sick for even a moment. I’d be the first to give a happy speech at your wedding, toasting champagne glasses and smiling out of pure happiness. Just because you deserve it. I’m highly aware of the fact, that even I, myself, fall in and out of love with other men sometimes. When I do, I don’t even think about you or whatever impact my new love could have on us. I always allow myself to fall in love. I let myself give my heart away, and I let someone else keep it every single time.
You get to keep a tiny piece of it too. A piece too small to even be noticed right away when it’s not there anymore, but too big not to make my heart skip a beat every time you lock eyes with me.
I let you keep that part for the rest of our lives. Please take care of it. Treat it well, so my dream can always be as paradisiac and heavenly as it has been since the first time I ever saw you.
The rest of my heart will be kept, loved and cared for by someone else.
But you are my forever crush. If you took my hand while we walked beneath the city skyline, I wouldn’t pull it away. If you looked at me a little too long for just being friendly, I would not break eye contact. If you pulled me in, touched my lips with yours and held me like you’d never let me go, I’d stay.
I remember the moment I realized you were my forever crush. We were dancing in the forest, too far from life for it to be real. Leaves were singing to the music, the wind was dancing through our hair. Life had paused, the earth stopped turning for us. Thinking about it now, it feels like a dream I remembered weeks after dreaming it. Surreal. Bizarre. A special moment you, the surrounding trees and I shared.
A piece of my heart will never stop falling for you. A part of my soul will never give up hope.
And if our paths never cross as lovers, I won’t be sad.
© Karen Anja Junkermann 2024-03-09