Friendship

Probably, the most valuable lesson I took from all my trips, was this:
The lone wolf will only ever make it so far.

If life moves in circles, then we are in a constant amusement park, riding carousel after carousel. After high school and some super-social years, it got a bit less while traveling Central America. I was still meeting loads of people, but for the first time, I was confronted with having to spend time alone too. Back then, it was the worst part of the day for me. Facing negativity and mind chatter was never an option because I had made sure that I wasn’t alone or involved in some type of consumption.

In Mexico, I somewhat woke up to the reality, that life wasn’t going to work like that. Being productive, while being alone and being able to spend time in silence, I had to learn. So, step by step, I did that.

What had started off as exercise, soon turned into an obsession. Often I was convinced that there were possibly no people doing what I was at the time – not going to uni, while still working on numerous projects at the same time, learning life mastery by myself. That was maybe when things got a little out of hand.

Looking back on it, I had stopped looking for friends with similar interests, because I didn’t believe I would find them. I had convinced myself that I was different and not easy to relate to. Boy, was I wrong.

There was a lingering feeling creeping up on me while doing a 5-month Interrail-Trip through Europe: while writing endlessly in my journals, reading page after page of self-help-discover-who-you-are-books, planning my train rides and admiring nature in the middle of nowhere at long-forgotten train stops, I felt lonely.

Only shortly had I learned how to spend time alone. At first, I thought it was part of the game. Being alone was equivalent to feeling lonely.

It always showed up after longer periods of time of not having connected with who I call Soul people. As human creatures, naturally, we will long for deeper connection and shared laughter. Being surrounded by love and a helpful word was something I’d almost forgotten about.

The next time I joined a group setting at my Yoga Teacher Training in the South of Spain, I almost felt awkward. It wasn’t quite clear to me how to behave in groups, who I was and how to create a dynamic between so many different characters. This experience led me to re-discover my social skills.

Being me was enough. Not the way I behaved had to change, but my mindset towards others. They are just like me, and I am just like them. With pride, I can stand on the personality I built, and they will still accept me if they are the right people.

Needing people and friendships and love was hard to accept. I didn’t want to be dependent on others for my happiness. But that is where I got it mixed up: humans do share positive energy with others and do need them to thrive and feel fulfilled.
If life was meant to be lived alone, there wouldn’t be nine billion others around me.