Full moon thoughts

Well, here we are. Red Full Moon, and it’s time to write some things down.

Sometimes I think about it. You know, life is deeper than just merely living without deep analysis. For me, everything has a reason to be. I see everything as a lesson, a mirror, and a way to rediscover myself. I am my own world within this world that shows me more about myself and about others. I am the light and the darkness of my thoughts, and many things only happen in my imagination. Sometimes I ask about the why’s of things, events, emotions, thoughts, and facts. Just why and for what purpose?

I am divided. One part of me wants to jump jump jump into the dream and live it up, no worries, hippie life, forget-about-the-rules type of life. Free, no responsibilities, coming from one place to the other, no owner, no slave, no routine, nothing and nobody to follow but my heart. Then, this other part of me gets out and slaps me. ‘You have to stop being afraid, Carla,’ I can hear. You have got to love, forget about the past, start all over, keep having experiences, keep collecting memories, keep going, girl! And deep down in my heart, I know I want to make the best out of this life: whether that means traveling the whole world solo or having a family and a man to love. I sound so cheesy and accept this new phase of me. Why a new phase of me? Because people always say that “girls” are more emotional, and I used to be so unconnected with that part of me that I felt like a “guy”, but those are just gender stereotypes.

The truth is, I’ve been changing throughout the years, and I surely embrace this feeling now more than ever. I love to love, I had love greatly, and nothing can compare to that feeling. I’ll do everything again. I feel like I am growing into something better and wiser, and I want to share this part of my heart with someone who will appreciate it, need it, or both. I have so much love to give. Then I ask, when? And then I relax. Love energy is powerful when you have it. You can’t hide it from your eyes. They shine big. I don’t know who is meant to be in my path in the long run or if former lovers are meant to come back or not. All I know is that the voice deep within me knows everything is unfolding perfectly for me. I am being taken care of. I am being taken to that place, that moment, and that perfect time in which I’ll reach all my dreams and start living, real living what I was meant to live. That, maybe, it’s just not something I am completely aware of right now. 

Sometimes, I do think about it. Who am I going to help? Will these thoughts ever be read? Which path will I end up following? Where am I going to be when I’m 35? And many other questions that I promise are not as shallow.

I guess life will unfold, and I will save these words so that one day, I can read them again. So that one day, I can tell my me from the past about which path I ended up choosing.