Future plans

I don’t really enjoy planing ahead. The idea of the future scares me. I can’t even decide what to eat for lunch and all of the sudden you get asked what you wish to do for the rest of your life.

I’m afraid of choosing the wrong path and ending up getting lost. I am afraid that I might lose interest and no longer want to pursue the career I ended up choosing. I have the curse and the blessing of owning a creative mind and soul. So, my first instinct is for me to do something creative. Unfortunately, we live in a world where only the luckiest of all have the luxury of enjoying pursuing a carefree career in the arts.

But it’s not only the job hunt that scares me, it is the whole idea of the future. It is all so unfamiliar to me. I have no idea where I might end up, no actual plan if things go south. I don’t wish to leave the present moment. It is all perfectly balanced. Exactly how I want it to be. I don’t deal well with change, unless it is something that I have been eagerly anticipating. Something I have been working towards and something I have been seeing coming.

Yet there also seems to be a bit of excitement. Excitement to finally be independent. To meet new people all over the world. To try out new things and find new hobbies. To discover new food and places. To make my own experiences and my own decisions. To heal the scars of youth and grow up. To get to know myself better and the people around me. To learn how to prioritize myself and my health. To learn how to set boundaries. To make my family proud and showing my parents how great her daughter turned out to be. And to get over some of my fears and finally share some of my ideas and beliefs.

The future is a double-edged sword, that’s something I know by now. It doesn’t matter if we fear it or not, because it ends up happening anyway. You can’t stop the future from knocking at your door. And when it does knock and you open it, it is already part of the present. Don’t try to avoid the unavoidable, just let it be.

In the end, you can never know what it will gift you or what it might take from you. You can only trust that whatever happens, you are ready. And if not, then just hope for the best possible outcome, because that’s all you can truly do when the future hits you with an expected turn of events.