Going round in circles

The rest of our classes have been tough. Going to college after her mental breakdown surely hasn’t been easy for Thea. Neither was it easy for me to keep my head shut: during class, during the breaks, on the way home. We tried to talk about normal stuff, like the new album by the band we like that will hit the stores next week or which Vans are the coolest. Yet, my mind is still hooked up on this morning’s topic and how Thea must feel behind her mask.

“Hello? Is someone there?,” Thea asks mockingly to demand my attention, since I must have zoned out again.

“Yeah.” A short reply and a casual smile that hopefully hides all my worries.

“Don’t worry too much.” Mission failed. “Thank you for your help this morning, though. I will try to get my head off things now. Talk to you tomorrow morning?”

“Alright, take care,” I reply and hug Thea goodbye, “Call me if you need anything.”

She nods and disappears inside through the door to their house. A short walk and I’m home as well, lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking. Again.

Should I have offered to stay? Should I be there for her more often? I also need to give her space and time, but it hurts to see her like this…

“Girl, that’s a lot of overthinking, even for you,” my head complains.

Believe me, I’d also wish for it to stop. I want her to feel better, shut out her pain, wrap her in the cotton candy that is my love and protect her from all the evil in the world.

“Well, that is not entirely possible. However…”, my brain responds and increases the tension for some mind-blowing revelation, “You can regularly check in on her, give her room to express how she wants to deal with this situation and what helps her and what does not. In the meantime, feel free to help her enjoy the happy times even more, so they can outshine the bad days, and overall she might feel better.”

That is actually helpful. I sometimes feel like my subconsciousness has dealt with a lot of pain in her earlier life, and I’m the little kitten, still exploring everything and totally dependent on the mama cat.

“One does what one can, sweetie. You seem to be quite the empath to reflect so fast. Good for you, but you gotta take care of yourself, too. You hear me?”

Yeah, I will try to do that. I just want Thea to feel better… Maybe… maybe a picnic might help, with some pickles and cheese and homemade lemonade and all the good stuff.

“That’s it!”

Hell yeah! But… can I sleep for now, brain? I’m tired and it’s almost midnight.

“You can most certainly try. Come on, go ahead.”

I smile as I try to finally fall asleep.