by Adriana Csik
On friendships in our twenties
I used to believe that friendships were eternal, that my very first best friend at the age of 6 would remain by my side as we grew up together. However, her departure to another continent shattered my heart, leaving behind an immense void that seemed impossible to fill. I still recall the hurt and the loss, and the many nights spent in tears. It wasn’t until years later that I eventually discovered a loving, supportive, and nurturing group of friends who became my daily companions through childhood and later, adolescence. They are those types of friends I might only see a few times a year, yet the moment we hug it feels as though no time has passed at all, and we effortlessly reconnect and experience the same deep connection as if we had never been apart. There is something so magical about having long-term friends that have seen multiple versions of yourself and loved you unconditionally through each phase of life. And as fate would have it, I reunited with that very first best friend many years later when we were both in our twenties. I feel like I rediscovered a treasured piece of my past that has seamlessly woven itself into my present. Reflecting on the innocence and simplicity of childhood connections I’m amazed at the enduring power of those first soulful choices we make.
When you are in your twenties, forging new friendships that will stand the test of time is harder. You are still figuring out your place in this world and who you want to be in it and thus, people often undergo significant life transitions in a short period of time. One day, you have a group of single friends with whom you party every Friday night, embark on adventures, travel the world, share laughter-filled afternoons learning to cook or enjoy lazy Sundays all cuddled up on the couch watching romantic comedies. The next thing you know they moved on to new partners, careers, husbands, and homes. And just like that the gap between your interests and points in life widens, and you are left wondering how the hell that happened and where it leaves you. While you genuinely rejoice in their happiness and the realization of their dreams, it feels as though they are moving forward without you, and its bittersweet memories that hurt the most.
I remember various such phases and events that inevitably shaped how I perceived myself and where I was at my life, in comparison to those I held dear. It took me some time to realize that their life paths and goals didn’t necessarily have to align with mine to keep our friendship afloat, because the secret lay in embracing our differences. Our bond thrived when we granted each other the space to grow into the individuals we were meant to be. It’s in these differences that we found the beauty of our friendship, the understanding that brought us together.
While childhood friends benefit from the strong foundation of shared history, friendships formed in your twenties have the potential to shape us profoundly as individuals, offering a unique tapestry of experiences that foster personal growth. If we are willing to keep them as an invaluable and cherished aspect of the transformative phase of life we are currently in, these friendships will evolve into long-term companions who have stood by us through it all and continue to choose us every day.
© Adriana Csik 2023-08-08