HELP

After the deal I made with Arthur, my motivation increased a little bit. Creating music is what I was born for… Being in a studio made me feel at home. Unfortunately, my soul was so lost and overshadowed by the pain, that it was impossible for me to write or produce a beat. I felt somehow that my artistry was gone.

The executives of the label were aware that I was high and drunk in the studio, but they didn’t care as long as I was there delivering something to them. We were fighting a lot, because I was coming to record irregularly, off of schedule and showing whenever I wanted.

I spent three weeks trying to develop a track, or even just produce a beat. I could not do a single thing, I was paralyzed, my artistry was gone. I wasn’t able to connect with myself. I decided not to go to the studio anymore, and I texted Arthur “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” I grabbed a bottle of whiskey, put some music on the speakers and I started to party next to the pool at home.

I drank three bottles of whiskey by myself that day, maybe more. All I can remember is that I started to dance next to the pool, all out of a sudden, I slipped and fell into the pool. My head hit the bottom of the pool. I went unconscious for a few seconds…

I could feel someone pulling me out of the pool and hitting my face and chest. In the spectrum of my mind, many flashbacks of my life were popping out. When I finally opened my eyes, I saw Arthur, who was desperately trying to wake me up.
“I need help” I said, as I burst into tears.
“I am here Chris, you are not alone” he answered, at the same time as he hugged me.
“Please don’t let me die” I said.
“I am here to help you. Let’s grab something to eat” he said.
I went to take a shower and drank a coffee that he had prepared for me.

Falling into that pool, and being about to die for a few seconds, was a wake-up call. I saw my entire life, the positive and the negative things, everything I’ve done, all the people I’ve met, all the pain I’ve been through, but also all the happiness and joy that I’ve had in my life. A part of me wanted to die, and erase all the pain and suffering that I was going through. But I could also feel an external force telling me “Not yet”.

A strong desire to better myself and to survive awakened in me. I knew that I needed help and this was already beyond my control. I asked Arthur to help me find professional assistance. He found a place in Bali that specialized in addictions. I was a bit afraid of losing my freedom and my free will. I wanted to make myself sure that I could leave the place anytime I wasn’t feeling comfortable anymore.
“You will be in control all the time, and can leave at anytime” Arthur said.
“I’m afraid” I said.
“You don’t have to, everything is going to be alright” he said.

We made some agreements with the executives of the label, to allow me to go even if I was under contract. I prepared myself physically and mentally as well as I could, and within a week I was ready to start a new chapter in Bali…!