I am not an expat

giuliakollmann

by giuliakollmann

Story

Immigrants are far from an homogenous crowd. Not only do we have different ethnic, religious and cultural backgrounds, we also carry with us multiple, sometimes conflicting hierarchies of privilege that shape the way we are perceived according to time, place and audience. We bring our own bag of stereotypes, and see ourselves suddenly occupying different positions in the eyes of each beholder, living in a multiverse where we are simultaneously the “successful person who made it” among our friends and family and the one who is rudely told off by a supermarket cashier because they have a foreign accent in German.

I have realized that a way some immigrants reconcile the self-importance inherited from their status in their homelands to the first struggles they must endure in Berlin is by categorizing themselves as expats. The word has a very precise meaning in the corporate world: it designates a worker that is temporarily assigned an activity abroad on behalf of its company, with a clear timeframe to go back home and a work contract that remains tied to the country of origin. It seems, however, that its correct use is out of style, and that it now offers outlanders relief from the burden of necessity that the word immigration brings, coating theirs with the shining lacquer of a lifestyle option, a thing that is lighter, less definitive, like an open relationship with the land, non-commital, no drama. Very Berlin, indeed.

It may be a survival strategy, a call out to the language of cash, of affluence and choice. Immigration is a difficult, political topic, and many immigrants prefer to distance themselves from a politically charged word that is instrumental to European populism, opting instead for a term that evokes privilege, as opposed to an escape from dire circumstances. It may also be a way to cope with the emotional toll of a definitive decision: using expat brings to many a sense of control, of detachment from the idea of fully integrating, and therefore protects from rejection, as belonging was never a goal in the first place. If a new land is a new lover, expats are sending the message that they will stay as long as it is fun and will not, by any means, stop calling their ex or even seeing others.

Is there a racial divide between immigrants who self identify as expats and the ones who do not? To an extent, I believe there is, as the stigma of immigration as a nation-breaking, all-hell-unleashing force is as powerful as ever in Europe, and my personal experience is that I never heard European immigrants use any word other than expat to refer to themselves. However, affluent immigrants of color and coming from any corner of the world will also rarely refer to themselves as such in a professional or social setting. How aware are they of the classist distinction they are making?

Or is it I, the white woman with a successful career and multiple European citizenships, who wield the privilege of feeling comfortable stating that I am an immigrant?

© giuliakollmann 2023-01-19

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