Infertility

Diagnosis: Barren

Now, unable to conceive,
I understand, the journey 
of an egg through the fallopian tube 
the amount of luck required
for a sperm to meet it there. 

Now, it’s winter. 
The Christmas markets are in full swing 
with snow and cheer and music 
the happiest time of the year
for families. 

And, summer. Back again. 
Children, running outside
shooting each other
with jumbo water guns. 
Their joy can’t penetrate 
through our triple glazed windows. 

All Eggs in One Petri Dish

Did you know a woman’s eggs
are not so unlike a chicken’s. 
But can she breed her eggs
outside of her body?
Can she delegate fertilization
to a Petri dish and syringe? 
Can she get help, when the shell is too hard for her baby to crack? 
Can she request a special glue, when her embryo has a hard time sticking to the uterus?

Now is she the unfortunate one?
Or am I? 

What Not to Say

“You can just have one of mine if it doesn’t work” 
“If you just relax and stop thinking about it, it’ll happen for you”
“If it’s so difficult, maybe it’s just not meant to be”
“There are more fulfilling things in life than being a parent” 
“Kids are so much work”
“I don’t know why it’s so hard for you, we just got pregnant on our first try“
“You can always just adopt”
“My friend’s cousin’s sister stopped trying and then got pregnant right away”
“It’s not a miscarriage if there was no heartbeat/hand/toe/finger” 
“Enjoy the parentless life while you can!”
“You’re still not pregnant?!”