Is it relief, is it unseen?

Her tea was cold when she took a sip. How long had she been studying? The clock at her bedside told her it’d been three hours. Well, she’d gone through all the exam topics like three or four times. That should be enough for now, she thought. Ava sat back to stretch her arms and legs, and the exhaustion hit her like a freight train. She could barely move enough to throw herself into bed.

“Ugh, I think I studied too much”, she mumbled to herself.

No, three hours isn’t a lot. Should’ve studied more. You’ll mess up again.

Huh. When had she become so doubtful of her abilities? The question went unheard in her mind. And somehow, she found herself agreeing. It wasn’t a lot, so it wasn’t enough. Studying was seemingly the only option if she wanted to be that good.
‘I guess I could study some more tomorrow’, she decided, and drifted off into sleep.

However, when tomorrow came along, Ava found it difficult to concentrate on the things she was supposed to. Her focus constantly wavered between the decorations and stuff surrounding her and work. It‘s like her brain just didn‘t want to cooperate!
How was she supposed to study like this?

She thought about it and tried to reason with her mind. Maybe it‘s hunger? She hasn‘t eaten since…

Strange. She couldn‘t remember. Thinking about the food instead didn‘t really help either. It didn‘t excite her in the slightest. Something was off.

Ava faintly noticed how she didn‘t actually want to learn any of the things that were presented before her. A particularly strong and odd feeling made itself known after realizing that. It felt… disgusting in a sense? Maybe it was unease? She was unsure.

The idea of not understanding was something she despised. Understanding was her thing! It‘s what everyone said she was best at. The thing she was supposed to be the best at. 

But maybe she wasn‘t. The feeling spread in her guts.

However, that thought was abruptly shoved away into some corner of her mind when her phone started ringing. 

The caller ID read ‘Hannah‘. Ava didn’t feel like picking up, so she let it ring out. After the call, a message popped up on her screen.

„Hii, sorry to bother ya but wanna hang out or smth? We haven’t done much lately. Call me back when you can!!“ 

She considered it for a moment, but remembered the reason they haven‘t been doing much in the first place. She had to study, so that‘s what she told Hannah a couple minutes later. 

Albeit she was a tad disappointed, she felt some relief in getting to stay at home, for whatever reason.