Is This Heaven?

Or is this reality?

I look up to the sky and I see blue and clouds though it’s raining

I look to my left and right

And everything’s pristine except my head

Because I’m on my knees begging to God

“Please take me”

Because I have wished to go but nobody is taking me

Because I have seen my death and the dead reaching out to me

But somehow I’m still breathing

Because I only want to breathe

If I see the sunflower under the moon and where the stars are hugging 

And I only cry if I see your face when the light is dimmed

When your eyes light up when the world feels bearable

Baby, I am hurting forevermore

I am suffocated being here

If it weren’t for you I won’t even bother

Cutting up my arm welcoming the angels

Baby, I love you so much but I can’t stay here

I can’t be there where life is like this

I can’t be alive when I’m without you

I can’t live if living is pain

Because I’m too dumb to feel and I’m too selfish to be breathing

And I’m ashamed of myself

I’m ashamed of everyone and I deserve my punishment

And I wish we were in middle ages

Because I would be hung and you will see me cry my last tear in the air

Once more being up there before meeting God

Then into hell

Because it’s no different than life now

Because I’m prepared and because it’s better that way

Or if there’s another world then show me that

Because a world like this makes me question

Is this reality that I’m in?

Or is this heaven?