Is this life?

Rebekka

by Rebekka

Story

Once again, I’m lying in my bed crying because the person who’s supposed to love me most, the person who brought me into this world, told me that I’m a fat waste of space. I fell asleep like that and in the morning when I went to school and smiled, laughed and pretended that I didn’t have cuts and bruises all over my body. I asked myself, is this how it’s supposed to be? Am I meant to act like everything is fine? Is this life? Because if it is, then I don’t want it. As I was buried in my thoughts, I bumped into something hard. I looked up and saw the person who had made sure that not only my home life was shit, but my school life as well. He looked at me and I saw something strange in his eyes. It was worry. And I thought that maybe he would be the first person in my whole life to notice that something was wrong with me. When he asked me if I was okay, I brushed it off, said I’m fine and wanted to walk away. But suddenly he grabbed my wrist and I flinched. The next thing I noticed was that he had pulled me by my waist into an empty classroom. I was too shocked to speak when he demanded to know what was wrong. When I finally found my voice again, I told him that it’s none of his business and that he should leave me alone. After school, I went home, but the second I opened the door I felt that something was wrong. I walked into the house and that was when I figured it out. It was the smell. It smelled like alcohol. I called for my mom and when she came downstairs she had a glass of whiskey in her hand. She was clearly drunk and when she saw me she threw the glass across the room and it shattered on the wall a few centimetres from my face. I didn’t see her coming when she raised her hand and slapped me across the face. I wasn’t prepared for the impact so I fell to the ground. That’s when it began. She was kicking me, my stomach, my legs, my face. When I started tasting blood, I realized that I had to get out of there. I got up and tried not to break down or lose consciousness on the spot. I ran as fast as I could. I didn’t know where, I didn’t know how long. I just ran. Somehow, my legs brought me to his house. I stood in front of the door for about five minutes, but then I noticed that if I didn’t want to pass out and fall onto the hard ground, I had to ring the doorbell. After a few seconds, he opened the door and the confusion on his face changed to worry. He wanted to ask me something but everything around me became blurry and I was falling. I was braced for the hard impact of the stone floor, but it never came. Instead, I felt two strong arms catch me and carry me inside. The last thing I heard before everything turned black was him saying: “ it’s okay, I’ve got you love.”

© Rebekka 2022-03-19