Layla

A terrible headache sat on my head. Two coffees early this morning, and now my heart is racing fast. As I scroll through my phone, I try to distract myself, but nothing can quiet my mind.

Today, I’m meeting my father. The man who was once a distant, cold figure in my life. Our relationship has always been stuck. More absence than presence, more silence than understanding

When I finally see him sitting by the café window, he looks so different. He seems soft, and I don’t remember him that way. He sees me walking all the way to him and stands up, he puts up a smile.

“Layla,” he says, his voice is deep, but he’s not sure of how I’ll respond.

“Hi, Dad,” I reply, trying to keep my voice still. We sit down, and there’s an awkward silence as we are both searching for the right words.

“It’s been a while,” he finally says, looking down at his hands. “I’m glad you agreed to meet.”

“Yeah,” I feel the tension in my shoulders. “It has been.”

“I know I wasn’t… I wasn’t the best father,” he continues, his voice low. “I wasn’t there for you and your mom the way I should have been. And I’m sorry for that, Layla. Truly.”

 “It’s… It’s in the past,” I manage to say, even though part of me isn’t sure if I’ve really moved on.

“I’ve been trying to do better,” he says, looking up at me. I’ve been seeing someone-a therapist. She’s helped me understand a lot of things about myself, about the mistakes I made. I’m working on being a better person.

 “That’s good,” I say, my voice softening. “I’m glad you’re doing better.”

I don’t think he is doing any better. I am trying to just let him be though.

“Thank you,” he says, “I know I can’t change the past, but I’d like to try to make things right. If you’ll let me.”

I take a deep breath, “It’s going to take time,” I say honestly. “But I’m willing to try.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

As we continued talking, I couldn’t help but feel a strange relief. The man sitting here is different from the father I remember. He’s not perfect, and there’s still a lot of pain to work through, but we should always give a chance to life, to start over.