let me go

Even if I’d rather not, I think about you all the time. From the moment I wake, the first thing that comes to mind is you and what we could’ve had, but we couldn’t make work. Into my dreams, making everything feel surreal one moment and then the truth hits again unstoppable and merciless.
I don’t have an appetite, crave only for your touch. I don’t want to be confronted with you or your people, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to talk about it, I want to forget until I stop hurting. I feel like you gave up when there was still a fighting chance. Presenting me with a decision already made, you say things, you’ve likely said before while I’m at loss for words. I need to work through this process on my own, find myself again and learn to live a new future.
I had my doubts, I saw the signs, and you made a fool out of me for it. Why stretch and bend to be someone I’m not? What would be left of me?

Why make me feel like I wasn’t enough, wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t giving enough and would never be enough to fit your expectations? I’m better off without you.
But I miss the comfort of your touch, your warmth and strength and I can only pray I’ll find it again. In myself and perhaps in someone else. Sometime. As much as I feel I need it right now, I know I’m not ready for it.

The mere mention of your name makes my heart swell and deflate in an exhilarating speed, like a roller-coaster. It’s not the excitement that lingers, but the feeling of a turned stomach and I wish I didn’t hear your name, and wish no one had mentioned you in front of me. I do wonder about you from time to time when something reminds me of us.

But I let you go. Yet your effect on me still clings to me like a burdock I can’t seem to shake off.

I can’t seem to shake you.