Letter for my muse

Why were you alone on the riverside? Did you have nightmares as well? I ran until I found myself siting on a bench between the safe walls of the city, and I was almost convinced that I was hallucinating, and you were just a ghost that was messing with my thoughts. Someone called me and the reverie vanished. Crystal appeared in front of me, a large smile dancing on her lips. She and Dean are together. You already know that, considering that Dean it’s one of your closest friends. At least, he used to be.How odd things turned out to be in end. I received another invitation to a party. I’m surprised. Two invitations in just a week. I almost forgot that this week it’s Dean’s birthday. You offered to host the party in your house. I don’t want to go there again, but I have no strong reason to decline the invitation. No one knows about my feelings and Dean is my friend too. Before I even thought of saying something, Crystal was already making plans for the day, and I spent the rest of the afternoon with her, going from shop to shop, looking for dresses and presents. I’ll see you again. Stop bringing my moths to life! Just kill them, my dear. This is all I ask for. How long will you stay in town? Can you stay forever? I don’t want you to leave. I think I’m selfish, and I should clarify the things with Sam. I’m feeling like a traitor, keeping him stuck in this uncertainty, when it’s no way to deny that I don’t love him, like I love you. I hate you so much for this.

My sweetheart,

Dean told me that you’ll come to the party. You have no idea how hard I fought with myself to appear uninterested, to pretend that your name didn’t accelerate the pulse in my veins. He told me about his relationship with Crystal. I have to admit it, for a brief moment I let that gleam of hope to take over me. I imagined us, being in their place… Oh, I know that I can love you more than Dean will ever be capable of loving Crystal. Don’t get me wrong, I shouldn’t compare the stories or the feelings. I know he loves her, but my feelings for you can’t be described in words. It’s overwhelming. Unfortunately, we are not like them. My love comes with consequences. I’ll see you again tonight. The thought of you siting in the house is driving me insane. A house that’s so empty, no doubt it will steal some of your light, and the memory of you walking the stairs and watching yourself in the mirrors would remain to haunt her. She’ll whisper to me about your beauty, and I’ll agree, remembering your gorgeous face. Did he tell you how amazing you are? Did he know how damn lucky he is for staying so close to you? I never danced with you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t touch you without creating false hopes in my mind. I’ll try tonight, because I don’t know how long I’ll remain in this town. I only came for a short visit and exactly as I expected, everyone is doing much better when I’m not around. Charlotte would be happy to have me back. Yes, yes, she is the girlfriend. Actually, she is the girl that I dated for a while. It wasn’t something serious, we were both lonely I suppose. She didn’t have expectations and it was perfect. To be honest, it was disappointing. I guess, I got tired of the same old games.