Letter for my reckless love

Tell me what to do! It’s no point in waiting for you, when I know that my love is not reciprocated. Someone told me once that love needs time. Maybe I’ll learn how to love him. Maybe he’ll manage to banish your ghost and your memory will turn to dust. Tomorrow night I’ll take a decision. I still need something from you: a small gesture, a word, anything. Don’t avoid me, please. Just for one night! Open your captivating eyes and see me, just see me and not through me. I’ll be reasonable, I’ll not ask for words, one glance it would be enough. My room is a disaster, because I’m looking for something to wear in order to impress you. It’s such a difficult task. I want you to consider me pretty, even decent looking. I thought that I was over it, but when I saw you embracing that beautiful girl, a rush of shame and guilt went through my bones. I was a little jealous. That’s why I wanted to disappear, my heart was aching, threatening to crumble in a million pieces. It happened before, but in time, I’ve learned how to glue the pieces back together. One of my regrets, probably the biggest one, it’s that the man who will love me it will be condemned to be loved in return by a heart made of whispers and insecurities. The future is so unclear, and I have a difficult time in believing that everything will settle for the better. The only good thing that my love for you offered me it’s that I learned how to be patient, how to cling to the smallest hope. Sometimes I wish to erase you from my memory. But how? The next time you’ll leave, we both know it’ll happen sooner or later, just do it for good. Even if it’ll break my heart. Do it for my sake. I can’t live this way for eternity. It must be someone in this world, someone who knows a cure. Yes, a cure for love. I’ll take it without blinking, assuming every risk. Who would love a heart made of stone? I’m sure that’s the question people would ask. But aren’t we all in love with something that’s utterly terrifying? We let our souls wander around until they find an edge, from there some find lightness, some … just more darkness, I suppose. Sometimes I think I know why people chose to remain within the darkness. The feeling it’s like the night sky with a thousand of wishes awaiting to be fulfilled. It smells like the flower who saw the spring for the first time, it’s speaking about the love, without mentioning the failure or the coldness. You want to believe that everyone was wrong, judging the darkness too harshly. For a time you’ll enjoy the company, thinking that you are the one who broke the curse. Everything seems perfect, but then you wake up crying at the end of the summer. You’ll lie to yourself that he’s not gone, but your heart would say something different. He’s not coming back.

I know what to wear to the party. A few more hours and my moths would taste the poison again.