Letter to the girl in black part III

You were right in front of me, dainty and beautiful, and I was mesmerized by your magnetic energy. My eyes were eager to inspect you with an insatiable hunger, but I was afraid that if I took my eyes away from yours, I wouldn’t be able to find the way back to reality. I paced around, moving my weight from a leg to the other and looking like an idiot. I tried to say something, but the only word that I could manage was: “Hello!” I was incredibly nervous, my brain couldn’t work properly or process the information, and you offered me a tiny smile, returning the greeting and I don’t know if you sensed that I was fighting with myself, not knowing what to do: to drag you in my arms or to run as fast as I could. I shook hands with your boyfriend and then with the others, while you continued to catch me in your pupils. I was ready to beg you to stop. Lord knows I’m unable to think straight when you are dangerously close to me. But I heard your voice, a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds, you were asking me a question.

“How it feels to be home again?” your voice was steady and calm, but I saw the corners of your mouth trembling a little, or maybe it was solely my rich imagination. I swallowed hard, all the words and thoughts forming in my brain, continuing to stare at your lips. I fought with myself, trying not to do anything stupid, moving my attention on the loud crowd that was dancing in the other part of the room. I found myself reaching for my collar, freeing one button in a foolish attempt to act normal. I know, it was pathetic, but I couldn’t breathe. Everyone was staring at me, all the attention on my face, waiting for an answer.

“You know what people say about returning home: it can cause dependence.” I’m aware that it wasn’t the brightest, most intelligent answer. My voice was indifferent and monotone, and you nodded slowly, your long hair shining under the chandelier’s light. And that was our conversation. You have no idea how much I regret that I didn’t say something smarter, something to impress you. I leave you now, Julia is calling my name and I should tell her to go home. I have so many things to say.

Until the next time…

P.S.

Please, stop running through my mind, I don’t want you to get lost in that abyss.