Letting go and Holding on (Hosea 11)

Phoebe inhales for two and exhales like a bull. Clouds of wrath. G: What happened? P: I’m caught up in a situation for years now. I want to drop everything, leave, then they can see for themselves how they get along. It’s none of my business. Anyhow they don’t want to change anything about the situation, they devastate themselves, but they don’t care about that. And only I get hurt by it. I don’t want to keep watching that. It’s terrible. G: And if you let go? P: What? G: Let go of your anger. Don’t let yourself be angry about their behavior. Phoebe doesn’t react. G: Look. My heart has been tired often from doing the same kind of work repeatedly. Bending down again, demonstrating again. I have been angry at times because all my efforts ended up in failure. The diligence was given away and yes, then also I wanted to give everything away. One time I made the decision. I planned to let go of the ropes that I had put up to secure everything. Well, then everything would just crash down. P: Your heart gave you this advice? Phoebe stares at him shocked. He meets her eyes with a serious expression, but in his eyes, something flashes. Phoebe feels exhausted and she doesn’t detect the twinkle in his eyes. She doesn’t even look into his eyes anymore; she looks to somewhere else. G: What do you see? P: A destroyed, distracted heart. G: Inside of me? P: No. This can’t be. Phoebe collects her gaze and directs it back into the here and now. G: Yes, this can’t be. Now she looks at him, looks into an open smile coming out of an open heart, undamaged and healing. P: But what have you done then? What was with the decision, what was with the heart? G: Oh, it bristled. It really swelled. P: But it did… I thought your heart wanted to let everything fall? Why did it bristle suddenly? G: I let go of the wrath and in its place compassion sprouted. I saw the different scenarios in front of my eyes: The smoke, the tears, ruins, and apathetic desperation. I perceived the screams for which no energy was left, and which got stuck in the dust-dry throats. Then I also saw reunification, returning, connecting, new beginnings, full houses, laughter, hugging and also tears. Tears of joy. P: And cries of joy? He laughs and lets out a cry of joy, loudly and long. G: Yes, cries of joy! Cheer, I love cheer! Phoebe looks to him in admiration. Also, Phoebes loves cheer and still almost never cheers. G: Come, cheer Phoebe. Phoebe cheers, quietly and embarrassed. G: Together? Phoebe nods. Then they cheer together. A few times. And all tension resolves slowly, peels away, trickles down off of Phoebe and she is swept away by the shouts of joy. These cries of joy resonate, and Phoebe breathes deeply. Okay, so continuing, without wrath. Yes, without wrath and from time to time a cry of joy.