Losing me

Lavinia Hutt

by Lavinia Hutt

Story

Itā€™s funny, how, just two weeks ago, I didnā€™t even fit in those pants. Now they sit loose and comfy, nothing to complain, yet my body looks the same. The same marks,

too many flaws,

so many scars.

Reminding me, Iā€™m not done, still gotta run.

Just a little bit more every time and itā€™s so easy at the start:

A little bit less here, a meal cut short there, no more sweets, no more fats.

ā€œThis bread has 120 calories, I can eat one half before my run, I donā€™t need vitamins, I get those from the sun.ā€

My brother notices when I come to visit: ā€œYou look so skinny, so thinā€.

No, I think,

As I hold back tears, Itā€™s not enough. ā€œNo, itā€™s okay, Iā€™m not really hungry, Yes, I ate at home, Iā€™m so full, believe me,

Iā€™M FINE!ā€

But Iā€™m not.

Just one more day, I start to complain,

and try to explain, why itā€™s so important to me to lose weight. How Iā€™m fat and die if I donā€™t.

But the only one that listens is the girl in the mirror and she never argues.

She looks so different from what I remember. Have these eyes always been so sad? Did she always look so tired?

I just need to sleep, itā€™s gonna be fine. Iā€™m fine. Iā€™m not sick! But I am.

ā€œJust sleep it off!ā€ Thatā€™s what my mother used to say, So thatā€™s what I do.

And I sleep and sleep, But itā€™s never enough And the work I gotta do piles up And I canā€™t.

But I have to, so I keep going, The minimum each time

But at least Iā€™ll lose the weight, right?


Ā© Lavinia Hutt 2024-01-21

Genres
Food & drink
Moods
Emotional, Reflektierend, Traurig
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