Love is eluding me

The day you broke up with me was Ironically the first time you texted me so much.

As I read the words

‘I’m breaking up with you.’

I felt relieved.

My muscles were slowly relaxing,

as I continued reading your messages to me.

It seemed like you were under the belief,

that your words were hurting me.

I could have laughed.

I did laugh.

What you didn’t know was that I was happy.

Happy to finally be free of this lie of a relationship.

I still don’t know if you ever liked me.

Or if I was just somebody you dated for fun.

And I have come to think that maybe I can’t love.

Not being able to fall in love like everybody else.

When I think that I might be like that,

I am relieved beyond measure.

No more complex feelings,

no more being confused,

and no longer feeling like a fraud.

I can be me without having to put on a mask.

Because this message was truly only for a part of you.

The one that is still deeply buried inside.