Nobody

Maja Füllhaase

by Maja Füllhaase

Story

I step out the door of my new flat. Warm sunlight falls on my face and I breathe in the smell of the city, the smell of the unknown. It’s been 2 months since my boyfriend broke up with me. I never expected it, everything went well. OK I’ve been a bit busy lately because of university, but I didn’t expect that. Tom and I have been together since high school, approximately 6 years. I never thought about the possibility that we would eventually break up, but he already did that for both of us. Where I thought of a future, he had been thinking for months about the best way to tell me that he wants to split up. He always insisted that it was not me and there was no one else and I believe that. Basically I could have realised that maybe we weren’t meant for each other, like everyone’s always said. They maybe even talked me into that thought. Tom was always in my life, first, as a best friend but everyone around us always said that we could be such an adorable couple, and we tried it. At some point it became so commonplace that it almost felt right, but it probably never was, which should have been clear to us from the start, but it wasn’t especially not for me. Actually, I’m glad he finally said it for both of us out loud, even though I was crushed by the news at first. I couldn’t imagine a life without him, but here it is. I stopped going to university, I was too tired to do anything, to live my life. I was nobody without him, I didn’t know who I was at all, in some sort of way my whole life has always revolved around him. Throughout my teenage years I didn’t think about myself and I never really changed anything about my personality. We always had the same circle of friends, I’ve never bothered to make my own social contacts, I mean I had Tom. Now I’m 22 years old, and I don’t even know who I am. If someone on the street would ask me that or what I like I would have no idea what I should answer to those questions. I have no idea what I particularly like because actually I have always paid attention to Tom what he wants to do no matter if I wanted to do it, but I have never said those thoughts out loud, so I can’t really blame him. At first, I was always too afraid to say my own way of thinking, and then I just stopped to think at all. It’s sad but true. My mind was clouded with questions like what to wear, how I should style my hair, whether anyone noticed how I tried desperately to fit in during the breaks. After a month I woke up I don’t know how it happened but then in that one moment I realised I had to put my whole old life behind me to find out who I really am I cut my long hair short, how do they say so beautiful, hair holds memories, they’re probably gone now. I dropped out of university because it was never really what I wanted to do anyway, it was the expectations of other people that I wanted to fulfil with it, as always. Now I live in a small town near London, ready to start my new unknown life, because life goes on no matter with or without you and even after a breakup.

Isn’t it beautiful to be a nobody but your true self in a world where everybody tries to be somebody they aren’t due to others people expectations. If someone asked me now, I would answer exactly that: “Me? I’m a nobody” I would even say it with a smile on my face. Why? Because I think that’s perfectly fine, I like it. Who cares about trivial things? The favourite colour of a stranger, a person you will probably never see again?

I like being a nobody what about you?

© Maja Füllhaase 2023-09-12

Genres
Novels & Stories
Moods
Emotional, Inspirierend, Reflektierend
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