Ocean Waves Pt. 3

Time feels meaningless, day and night just feel like yin and yang. French, my mortal enemy, seems nothing but a distant acquaintance. Everything is twirling down a whirlpool of my feeling. My legs feel like jack hammers. I felt like Le Désespéré just a few minutes ago, and now I feel like Ludwig the XIV. I feel like a god inside a mortal cocoon. I arrive at the beach. The sun has gone down, it is now night. I cuddle up into my thin jacket and sit into the sand and stare out to the sea. I feel free. I don’t feel sorry anymore. Just kind of lonely, sad that they must be alone at such a beautiful sight. The night sky reflects on the surface of the ocean. The stars are twinkling above and shimmering below. The moon as an epicentre of comfort, my guide. I grab into my bag and take my swimsuit out of it. Blue as the ocean. Blue is the colour of sadness, sorrow, and depression, but this colour is giving me hope and is comforting. The eternity in blue waves is annexing me. My mind is transcending into a sea of joy. I put the swimsuit on and start running towards the water.I am immersing myself in the cold water of the ocean. I start to use my hands and stroking. My natural element. As I swim in the water my mind begins to wonder once again. What am I, what do the others think of my disappearance? But there is no answer to sought after. Just waiting for it to be fulfilled. For me to return home and accept the happenings. I start to tear up again, but no tears of sorrow, no tears of sadness, tears of joy to be the one I want to be. Gratitude emerges from the deep sea of my soul and conquers my heart. I surely am ready for anything what’s about to happen. I returned to the beach. My heart flaming up in joy. Dried myself off and laid on my towel, gazing at the stars and slowly falling asleep.

I woke up as soon as the sunrays touched my eyelids. I laughed in joy. I returned to the train station and bought a ticket. My pockets are now empty. I go on to take a seat in the train back home and try to find an excuse for my trip. But I sure now it was worth it.

I stand back up, the ocean still in front of me. I realize I have done it. Achieved my goal. I gaze at the sea. I get my phone out, still dead. I mutter to myself “finally, Alex, you have done it”. I get up, brush the sand of my body and head back to the train. Now Only hell awaits me back there.