by Michi Braun
Some parental phrases I still can’t get outta my head:
“It’s because of the way you are, when men treat you like that”
Hard to believe – but that’s what my dad often said
On days I came home heartbroken, and it’s kinda difficult to forget
How does a girl ever defeat this it’s-always-my-fault-no-matter-what-I-do-doubt
When she grew up being told “you deserve being treated badly, that’s what loving you is about”
Took me at least 3 decades to finally figure this shitty scheme out
I love you dad – but I wish you would have never spoken this destructive thought out loud
You have no fuckin clue how hard and exhausting it is for me
Keeping my boundaries protected, while everything in me wants to give my all for relationship harmony
I always feel guilty, no matter what I choose to do
Cause it’s either neglecting myself – or neglecting us two
Blame is the harshest of all emotions
Guilt is the deadliest of all emotion-potions
One tiny drop can ruin your life’s whole honeysweet pie
You never really get rid of the taste, no matter how hard you try
Never underestimate the power of a single bitter word
It may be quickly spoken – but remains forever heard
Phrases echoing in your mind when the silence gets loud
Like a labyrinth of misleading letters, it’s hard to find your way out
So how does a woman detect the track back to her own voice while remaining calm
The louder the world screams, the more silent she becomes to save herself from harm
But the one kind of guilt she can live with, may god be her judge
Is being guilty for always loving way too deep and giving far too much.
© Michi Braun 2023-11-17