Preface

Phoebe’s day began at night. Not the everyday life kind of day, neither holiday nor workday, her day with him started at night. She doesn’t know where he’s from. Actually, he’s always been there. She knows she knows him, but she doesn’t know how she met him. She knows he knows her, better than everyone else. But why, she doesn’t know. In fact, she knows nothing about him, not where he lives, what he does all day long, not even what he really looks like. She knows that his eyes are searching for hers, his gaze to which nothing remains hidden. She knows his voice, the words that spread over her and the words that permeate her, the words that she needs to hear. Sometimes she senses his touch. His hand touching Phoebe’s hand, just for a moment, never longer. Generally, he is never there for long in the world of her life. So, it was night when he came, and she was there. There in her emotions which were called into action by the circumstances. But she has no clue how to react towards those emotions without being overpowered. That’s why she finds herself overrun by them, left haphazard, helpless, tremendously hopeless. She who once was full of hope. Now she stares into darkness. And in this nighttime darkness he is there, her companion. Phoebe’s companion is God, but she doesn’t know that. Or she might know deep inside but is not able to sort it out because everything is whirling about inside her head. God tells her about his pain, his anger, his disappointments which he must deal with again and again. He reports from the past because for that textual sources are available, the Bible in which he tells about his emotions. In each chapter, I (the author) am referring to a specific biblical passage (indicated in brackets after the chapter heading). My suggestion is to read the chapter of this text first and then optionally look up the corresponding passage in the Bible. I am not retelling the stories of those referring passages. Phoebe is in ignorance of the exact circumstances that her companion was dealing with when he felt the emotions, he reports to her. It is only a matter of emotions, of how to consider emotions and how to describe them. Phoebe’s companion meets her in her emotions, just as she is and just as they are. He gives no advice, doesn’t tell her how she must be or what she ought to do. He tells about his emotions and about how he is. It is not about doing, it is about being. Nevertheless, the meeting in the night doesn’t get bogged down in lack of plan, helplessness and tremendous hopelessness. Without advice and good coaxing, the conversation reaches a good end. At the end of the chapter, tears are dried, a calm breath and her body that finally can lull itself to sleep. At the end there is a tiny grain that falls into the ground in silence. A drop, a seed, the hope that the night will pass, and a new day will come. A new way of being. Phoebe awakes after this meeting in the night. Her companion accompanies her. They experience the dawn with awe and wonder, toil in the full midday-sun and at the end of the day… but we are not there yet, we do not want to fast-forward. So, everything from the start. It is night. And curtain up for Phoebe and her companion!